Wikipedia:Peer review/Amador Valley High School/archive2

Amador Valley High School

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This peer review discussion has been closed.

Comments from previous reviewers on Wikipedia, including but not limited to Scartol, Finetooth, Shirulashem, Camaron, and Jp07 have helped polish up this article. I have been very responsive to their comments and believe this article has come a long way since the beginning of the summer.

However, I feel as if some small issues and complexities (especially from newer prose) may still prevent the article from reaching Featured Article status. I would appreciate comments from additional outside eyes on how this article could better reach FAC and potentially become one of the few featured public high school pages. Thank you for your time, Deltawk (talk) 03:01, 4 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Seems pretty good, but not quite ready for FAC I think. Here are some suggestions for improvement.

The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself but the National School of Character, and National Blue Ribbon School seem to only be in the lead, for example (shouldn't they be in the Awards). My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way. Please see WP:LEAD

References to school awards have been added to the awards section. The lead mentions all the main sections of the article, although I am unsure how to reference the alumni section in the lead.Deltawk (talk) 05:04, 20 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I think this needs a ref Don is a Spanish, Portuguese, and Italian term used as a mark of high esteem for a distinguished nobleman, similar to the British respect title "Lord." I would also argue that someone addressed as Lord usually means they are a member of the peerage in the UK.

Done I've added references to the sentence and removed the part referring to the term "Lord." Deltawk (talk) 05:04, 20 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

MOS:QUOTE says the ref should be at the end of the sentence with the direct quote in it, so From November 3 to November 5 in 1986, Amador Valley teachers went on a three-day strike to "protest a breakdown in negotiations for a new contract."

Done The ref has been moved. Deltawk (talk) 05:04, 20 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I am not sure why the 2006-7 enrollment is in the Academics section and then there is a separate Enrollment subsection later with more recent data.

Done I have moved the enrollment and ratio data to the enrollment section. The data has also been updated. Deltawk (talk) 05:04, 20 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

It seems to me that the article has potential issues with WP:WEIGHT. For example the varsity sports program is summarized in one sentence that does not even list all of the sports As of 2009, the school offers 12 varsity sports teams for boys and 11 varsity sports teams for girls. There is a whole paragraph on the water polo team but no mention of football or baseball. Or we get a three sentence paragraph on Corinne Tu, is one of eight Californians to win the prestigious Presidential Scholar award in 2008

I've evened out mention of the sports and removed sections that seem to give undue weight.Deltawk (talk) 04:19, 3 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

It seems to me that the article also has potential issues with WP:RECENTISM. I like how the "Band and Color Guard" section gives some sense of history, but the Math Team section has no data earlier than 2005 and almost nothing but 2008 and 2009, or the Awards section all seems to be in the late 2000s.

I've removed many of the elements from the Awards section that had a bias towards recentism. Material has been adjusted to focus more on entities as a whole rather than recent events.Deltawk (talk) 04:19, 3 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The Notable people section has a few people who do not have articles - generally these people meet WP:NN and have their own article. I also think the staff section is odd. Again this guy has no article and it goes into way too much detail on his story, which has very little connection to the high school. Is there no other notable staff member since 1922?

I have created articles for all the staff and alumni who did not have articles.Deltawk (talk) 05:04, 20 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 03:12, 16 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]