Wikipedia:Peer review/All the Light We Cannot See/archive1

All the Light We Cannot See

All the Light We Cannot See is a war novel that was commercially and critically successful, won the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction, and is currently being adapted to Netflix. This article passed a WP:GA nomination and a WP:DYK nomination a few days ago. I plan on nominating this article for WP:FA soon in preparation for a WP:TFA for either the release of the adaptation or the tenth anniversary of this novel, whichever one is sooner when the candidacy succeeds. Any suggestion would be helpful.

Thanks, Lazman321 (talk) 05:31, 1 February 2023 (UTC)

Comments'

• The sources here are pretty much all media sources - there do appear to be some academic publications, eg, that could be considered for inclusion
• It would be helpful to provide a bit more contextualization in terms of the author's biography - for example, how this fits into his oeuvre, whether this was his first or fiftieth book, whether he typically wrote historical fiction, etc
• It appears the work has been translated - that would be worth discussing
• "Although applauding Doerr's attention to detail, Carmen Callil writing for The Guardian considered the novel too long and the dialogue too American; though she forgave Doerr for these" - suggest reorganizing this sentence for clarity, and any idea what is meant by "too American" here? Nikkimaria (talk) 23:45, 23 March 2023 (UTC)

Comments from UndercoverClassicist

General

• The article is clearly written with a lot of love for the novel; in places, it almost reads like an advertisement. A ruthless look over for WP:NPOV would be helpful.
• This is an awfully unhelpful thing to say, I'm afraid, but the prose needs some polish before it can really be considered of a professional standard (FAC criterion 1a). I've made a few edits and a few suggestions below; I'm happy to be of more help here with specific cases.
• I don't have my copy to hand, and it's been a while: should Etienne be written Étienne, as is usual in French?
• In German and English, the honorific von in a surname is usually lower-case unless the first word of a sentence; should we follow that here for e.g. Von Rumpel? The article is currently inconsistent on this matter.
• I agree with Nikkimaria that there are currently some 1b/1c concerns about comprehensiveness and range/quality of sources.

Lead

• The story has moral themes such as the dangers of possession and the nature of sacrifice, and portrays fascination with science and nature: this could be a little clearer; what exactly do you mean by the dangers of possession - by demons? I'm not sure that portrays fascination with science and nature is quite grammatical: could you expand a little on what you are trying to say here?

Plot

• Could we explain a little about what Fort National is in the context of the novel?
• a large, gentle student: does large mean "strong" or "fat"? I think more could be said about Volkheimer here: from what I remember, he's presented (at least on the surface) as almost the Nazi ideal of a soldier, and perhaps his epithet of "the giant" would be worth including.
• recognizes the source as the one who broadcast: this isn't quite clear: does he recognise that the broadcast is coming from the same place as the science programmes, or the same person?
• I'm not entirely sure what a gated grotto flooded with seawater from the tide is: is there a clearer way to express this?
• tells her that Werner may have been in love: does he say with whom?

Background and writing

• Doerr wanted to write a novel that told a story of World War II in a new way. Before then, many of the war stories Doerr had read portrayed the French resistance as charismatic heroes and the German Nazis as evil torturers. He decided to tell a more nuanced story by featuring a sympathetic young boy named Werner who becomes tragically involved in Nazism and by having the French narrative surround a capable disabled person named Marie-Laure.: the prose here reads as a little simplistic, and I'd like to see a sharper divide between Doerr's version of events and Wikipedia's voice. For instance, do we know that Doerr had read war stories presenting the French Resistance as charismatic heroes, or is that Doerr's memory of them? Similarly, is Werner's sympathetic status an objective fact, or Doerr's subjective reading of the character?

Style and structure

• The writing style of All the Light We Cannot See is lyrical and poetic: subjective, aesthetic judgements like this should be couched in someone else's voice: has been described as "lyrical" and "poetic", if appropriate.
• Similar to the point above about Doerr, I'm not clear in this paragraph as to what is Steve Donoghue's interpretation and what is presented in Wikipedia's voice.
• The narrative moves with the brisk pace of a thriller novel: this reads like advertising: certainly needs to be framed through a source, though I'd also encourage a thought about what exactly is the encyclopaedic content we're trying to get across here.
• The points about the narrative's time-frame aren't strictly either style or structure; I'd suggest cutting or, if felt useful, moving up to Plot.

Themes

• Again, we've got a lot of subjective judgements here presented as if they are factual. Bring the sources of these ideas closer to the foreground.
• The novel also deals with dilemmas such as choice versus fate and atrocity versus honor: strictly speaking, a dilemma is a decision; these things could be antitheses, dichotomies, binaries, spectra, distinctions...
• I haven't got a big problem with the long quotation from Steph Cha, but equally I'm not entirely sure what it's trying to say about morality and dilemmas in the novel.
• many of Doerr's works: does he give examples?
• Creatures, geology, and technological advances such as radio waves are portrayed as fascinating marvels in the novel: I'd take another look at this sentence: it reads as if radio waves are an example of creatures, geology and technological advances.
• such as the blind snail: could we introduce that blind snail further up?
• a character imagines the abundance of electromagnetic waves: which character is this?

Publication and reception

• I'm not sure the hatnote is appropriate here; in the grand scheme of best-selling books, this is a pretty minor hit.
• {!xt|It ... became a breakout hit upon publication}}: 'breakout hit' is too close to advertising-speak for Wikipedia's voice, though would be fine to quote as a description used by a reviewer.
• Nielsen BookScan's rankings of adult fiction novel: this could be read as implying that the novel is pornographic.
• The long list of sales figures is confusing; I don't think it really helps the reader to have a year-by-year account of the book's sales. Perhaps cut this bit down to focus on early and total sales, and perhaps major milestones?
• Critics positively received All the Light We Cannot See: all of them?
• In a starred review for Booklist: what's a "starred review"?
• Cha, although criticizing the reliance on melodrama in the beginning: I'm confused here. Did Cha write an early review in which she called the book "melodramatic", then change her mind later? Or does she say that the beginning of the book is melodramatic? And is the "reliance on melodrama" an objective fact, or Cha's opinion?
• Has anyone given this book a negative review? It's certainly not universally regarded as an unqualified masterpiece. A quick Google got me this NYT review, which is at least ambivalent: it describes the book, for instance, as "more than a thriller and less than great literature" There are a few negative comments interspersed among the positive, and it would be good to give these at least a paragraph to avoid a charge of WP:UNDUEWEIGHT.
• Vollman in particular criticized the use of Nazi stereotypes: can this be expanded?

Television adaptation

• develop a limited television adaptation: what's a "limited" adaptation, as distinct from an "unlimited" one?

Query from Z1720

@Lazman321: it has been a month since the last comment. Are you looking for more comments, or can this be closed? Z1720 (talk) 01:36, 1 June 2023 (UTC)

This can be closed. I think this is enough comments. I've been inactive for the past month or so because of school, though it did recently end, so I might be able to work on this article. Lazman321 (talk) 02:24, 1 June 2023 (UTC)