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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 29 November 2024 [1].

Tyla (album)

[edit]
Nominator(s): dxneo (talk) 18:37, 25 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about the debut studio album by South African singer Tyla. Tyla received a bouquet from Beyoncé, with a note congratulating her on her "beautiful new album." The album peaked debuted at number 24 on the Billboard 200 and within the top 25 in multiple countries. It has been labeled the top 10 most streamed album by a female released in 2024. This is a retry at FAC since the last attempt was unsuccessful due to non-participants. dxneo (talk) 18:37, 25 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

SC
  • Oppose

I think this could probably do with a thorough copyedit to make the prose a lot less stilted throughout. at the moment (and only on a very quick skim, I'm close to an oppose on quality). these are examples of some of the problems (and I stress again, these are examples only):

  • At a quick glance, there are 90 uses of the term "Tyla" in the article. I know that's the name of the artist and the album, but it's too much. I think you need to read through and see where you can swap out "Tyla" for "she" or "her" and not lose any clarity. An example from the first line of the body: "Tyla released her debut single "Getting Late".[2] Tyla directed the music video" (those are two of five uses of her name in the first paragraph and there's one use of the album "Tyla" too). The second paragraph has eight uses just for her name, including "Tyla coined the term "popiano" to define her musical style.[9][10] Tyla fused" and "Tyla announced the upcoming release date via social media on 30 November 2023.[14] In December 2023, before the album's release, Tyla described"
  • In the Background section: "Tyla told Capital ... it would mostly be "popiano", a portmanteau of amapiano and pop music.[4] Tyla coined the term "popiano" to define her musical style.[9][10]
    In the Composition section "Tyla is an amapiano, pop, and R&B record that contains elements of Afrobeats;[28] a sound Tyla calls "popiano"": This needs to be written much more succinctly and only needs to be told to readers once
  • Decide whether you are going to use the serial comma or not and then stick to it (it's inconsistent at the moment)
  • Per WP:VOICE, You can't give opinions in WP's voice - you have to say whose opinion it is; this includes sentences like '"Art" showcases Tyla's most subtle vocal performance,[29] and smooth ad-libs'

I'll try and come back for a more in-depth review later, but I advise you to try and polish the article a bit beforehand. - SchroCat (talk) 19:19, 25 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

All fixed. I'd actually be grateful if you opposed with ways to improve the article so that I know what to do from here. Thank you very much, that was helpful. dxneo (talk) 22:14, 25 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose. Unfortunately I feel the prose is below the "engaging and of a professional standard" requirement of WP:WIAFA#1. It would benefit from a thorough copy-editing to address issues of grammar and clarity, as well as style. Nikkimaria (talk) 03:18, 28 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you Nik, would you please point out few errors so that I know what to fix and what to ask for when I'm requesting assistance. dxneo (talk) 09:10, 28 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Here are a few examples:
  • "The Tyla Tour was announced, some dates of which were cancelled and some were rescheduled due to injuries"
  • "It was originally scheduled for release on 1 March 2024, she had extended the album-submission date to work with the Nigerian singer Tems on the song "No.1", the album was released on 22 March that year by FAX Records and Epic Records and in the United Kingdom by Since '93 and RCA Records."
You forgot to state what's wrong with those lines. The last line is a quote from THR. What's wrong there? dxneo (talk) 00:36, 29 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Well, to begin with, if that's a quote it should be quoted, but it is not. The other two are examples of grammatical errors. Nikkimaria (talk) 00:40, 29 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you, I'll look for a native speaker cause I don't see anything wrong there. dxneo (talk) 01:07, 29 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I also feel like these are issues that can easily be fixed if you brought them to my attention. I don't think it's a major problem. So, how about you point them and I'll fix. dxneo (talk) 09:24, 29 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
That's not quite the point of FAC. articles need to be more or less ready when they get here, with just some minor adjustments here and there to polish off off points, not some of the more basic problems this article is demonstrating. I suggest withdrawing this and working on it further. I know you've been through PR before, but try again and ask people who have recently taken music articles through FAC to help you - list it here too, which could help get more people in to assist. - SchroCat (talk) 10:26, 29 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@FAC coordinators: , please see above. - SchroCat (talk) 11:37, 29 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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