Talk:The San Francisco model of AIDS care

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Clearly you need to pick up the pace working toward your first draftRJBazell (talk) —Preceding undated comment added 21:01, 6 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Peer Review

Hey! I think you have a really good draft so far — it looks well planed and logically organized, all the sections seem relevant, and you seem to have done a good amount of research/writing so far! In particular, I think your plan to use primary sources is a great idea and will add a lot of authenticity and detail to the article, you just have to make sure it doesn’t read like quotes inserted into an academic essay (which is probably not going to be an issue for you, I just mention it because it’s something I’m struggling with right now). I also think you’ve done a good job of being impartial so far / sticking to the consensus, but in that same vein, I think you still might want to quantify and cite (or should at least check in with Prof Bazell about whether or not you need to cite) the broader statements you make about gay liberation, the AIDS epidemic, etc. I also think the "effects" section is going to be really interesting once you write it, and in general the SF model of care strikes me as a really cool subject to be writing a Wikipedia article about!

Here are a few smaller scale improvements that I can suggest:

The "AIDS in SF" section could benefit from some more specific detail about the treatment of PWA in hospitals, and perhaps some quantifiable data (e.g. approximate number of PWA in SF at the time when the model came into being)
I think it’s really smart to address the social death aspect, and you could also integrate some stuff about Bobbi Campbell’s activism and/or the Denver Principles into this if you think it’s relevant. Or you could incorporate him and the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence into the “social support group” section
Wasn’t the GMHC only in NYC?
Also Arielle mentioned something interesting in class about how a large number of queer female nurses signed up to help and were really integral in the movement towards compassionate care and I thought this might be a cool addition to the topic, if you can find info about it in SF specifically.
Just in terms of structure, it might be better to put the two main people as subsection under a larger heading of “important contributors” or something.

Alinett (talk) 00:41, 13 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]