Talk:Sacred Sun

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Great article! Here are a few suggestions to add to your revisions... Under Early Life your last sentence says "would've found a husband" maybe change that either to "her father found" or something like "According to her culture, it is likely her father arranged a husband for her around the age of 14". Another thought would be tagging the other names listed under your Journey headed if they have an article or maybe explaining why those names were important. The sentence structure "This group included not only..." made me, as a reader, wonder if these were significant people or if they were just the other people traveling with her. Why is she more recognized for these adventures than they are? Another idea for links for your article would be King Charles X. I'd also like to suggest adding an infobox and her portrait picture if you are able. Mnsvyc (talk) 02:17, 20 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Mnsvyc

Thank you so much for your peer review Mnsvyc! I will look over my article and make the changes that you suggested!Krlhdc (talk) 16:13, 27 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Feedback from Prof. P

I'm so excited to see this page, where there previously was not one one such an interesting Native American woman. It is so important that this page now exists. I'd like to see the section headings have some more specificity so that they will be useful at a glance. "Journey" -- where? for whom? "Hardships" where? Why? Let's work with peers in class to revise these for specificity so that they will be more helpful for Wikipedia.org readers. Under the "Hardships" section I'd like to see a revision of the sentence about the adoption of Sacred Sun's daughter. "Decided to let" gives her a lot of agency that she might not have had. Is there a different way that we can rephrase this sentence to accurately represent the difficult situation that Sacred Sun was in--in a foreign land with no means to care for her (fatherless?) children? Maybe expand on this a bit too to help explain how incredibly unique and difficult this situation and the resolution for it was. ALso-- do we know what happened to this daughter that was adopted by a French citizen (or her children's names?-- and is it this one do you think that is in the picture? What year were they born?). Was the National Indian Portrait Gallery part of the Smithsonian? What year was it destroyed by fire? In fact, what year was it painted? I look forward to seeing these updates by December 2016 so this fantastic article will be stabilized for all future Wikipedia.org readers. Excellent work this semester. MeganPeiser (talk) 17:10, 14 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]