User talk:Kimberlykwann
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Kimberlykwann, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Adam and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Adam (Wiki Ed) (talk) 01:59, 20 September 2016 (UTC)
Feedback
[edit]Nice start on your article draft. A few things moving forward
- Tone: A Wikipedia article shouldn't speak directly to the reader; if you find yourself saying "you" (or even "one") you're probably on the wrong track. So rather than saying
If you walk down a block, you’ll most likely see young adults on their devices scrolling through Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, etc. Social media has taken over society, that job seekers are browsing their future employee's social network pages to define what type of person they will be hiring. Job seekers are convinced by searching your social network website they can get a brief view of your social life besides your resume, cover letter, or interview
focus on describing facts. Something more like
Hiring managers [report that they] check the social media feeds of job applicants.
It's less interesting, but it more concise. (I also think you mixed up "job seekers" and "hiring managers", although I might just be misreading what you wrote).
- Avoid numbered or bullet-point lists when text would do the job.
They analyze what type of personality each person has possesses based on their social media page, by these umpteen mistakes that teens or young adults erroneously do that could hurt their career.
- Complaining about your job or boss
- Sharing your latest job offer
- Plagiarizing
- Using Texting Language
- Posting Tasteless Comments
- Posting Photos with Alcohol/Drugs
you should write something more like
According to [source] many of the social media mistakes that young people make can permanently damage an applicant's career prospects. Problematic activity includes complaining about jobs or bosses, ... ,
- Avoid long quotes. The quote from source #3 can be rephrased in your own words. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:55, 6 December 2016 (UTC)
Additional feedback
[edit]Looks good, except for the last point.
"A recent survey confirms that "A whopping 70 percent of U.S. business managers say they decided not to hire a job candidate based upon something found out about her online."
You should be able to rephrase that in your own words. There's nothing special about their choice of words. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 02:18, 9 December 2016 (UTC)