User talk:Feministbooklover
| This user is a student editor in Carleton_University/Analyzing_Cinema,_Gender,_and_Sexuality_(Fall_2019) . |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Feministbooklover, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:00, 9 September 2019 (UTC)
Anne Mungai
[edit]Minor revisions needed.
- You have chosen an interesting filmmaker and have three excellent secondary sources.
- Make sure that film titles are always in italics (not quotation marks).
- Fix the names in Reference #2.
- When you present information about what Mungai thinks or how she feels, make sure to indicate the source of this information in the text. For example: “In an interview with X, Mungai stated that…”
- If you can find review of Mungai’s films, add quotes from them.
- Has Mungai won any awards? If so, list them in an awards section.
Chronophoto (talk) 15:46, 22 October 2019 (UTC)
Notes
[edit]Hi! I have some notes:
- This needs more sourcing to back up the claims in the article. The sourcing you have found is good, but there just needs to be more of it.
- Make sure that claims of importance are backed up with sourcing and if they are opinions or controversial, that they are attributed to the person making them. This is especially important with things like claims of being the first to do something, as this is a very common claim for any given area and as such, needs sourcing.
I hope this helps! Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 21:01, 23 October 2019 (UTC)
Peer Reviewing: Anne Mungai
[edit]Overall, the article is well written! The tone used throughout is passive (in a good way!) and very little promotional language was present -- something I struggled with, personally. The few ways I think the article could be improved is mostly related to sentence structure and grammar.
In the "directorial career" section, the last sentence was a bit out of order. Probably just got missed in the drafting process, so I changed it from:
"This film, like many of Mungai's works, focuses on a female character who finds living in a time in Africa that is split between traditional African culture and the cultural practices that were brought over from the Western world during colonization"
to:
"This film, like many of Mungai's works, focuses on a female character living in Africa during a time split between traditional African cultural practices and those brought over from the Western world during colonization"
I also fixed some minor grammar/structure issues in the "Saikati (1992)" section to improve fluidity. I also differentiated between the description of the film itself and its plot (added subheading).
You may also want to go back to clarify the "length" column of the filmography table - what's the difference between "short", "short feature", and "feature"? Perhaps don't include run-times, as it muddles the differentiation. Also, I would suggest keeping the capitalizations of the distinctions consistent, just for aesthetic purposes.
Does Mungai have a full birthday listed somewhere in the cited sources? Try to provide something more than "(born 1957)" if you can!
Otherwise, well done! :)
Patelcamps4608 (talk) 18:00, 3 November 2019 (UTC)Patelcamps4608
Peer Review
[edit]Hi! I was assigned to edit your article. I hope my advice would be helpful to you! I think that you overall did a great job. You found some high-quality sources, and you have a nice structure and neutral content. I only correct some footnote numbers as well as the red errors in the “Life” section. Also, I changed the “Kenyan Institute for Mass Communications” into “Kenya Institute for Mass Communications.”
In addition, I recommend adding a lead paragraph to your article and summarize some key points. The other point is that it will be better if you add more content to other aspects of the topic to make the article more balanced. (It seems that you wrote a lot about the film Saikati but only a few about the directors.) I also noticed that you have a few duplicate references such as #2 and #5. Maybe just try to cite a particular page number or combine them together.