User talk:Dmaresca26/sandbox
Great use of sources and neutrality in tone. The flow of the paragraph needs work. Sentences are too concise and choppy which disrupts the flow when reading the article. Maybe combine the second and third sentences. These adhesive bandages were modeled off of a white or tan tone with decorative Band-aids introduced in 1951. Do the same to sentence five and sentence six. This bandage was called “Ebon-aid,” and sold in Harlem, New York. Introduce the source to support Panayiotis’s focus. For example: According to/source/Panayiotis stated etc.
Use the quotes/facts to support the statement and provide better flow. For example: Start with according to Johnson & Johnson and go into the very high demand and end with the 100 billion Band-aids worldwide. Add citation to the 100 billion Band-Aids sold sentence. Good reference and use of citations. Add another reference to reinforce information.