User:C.m.jones/I bid you adieu
 | This story is not literally true, but a parable about Wikipedia's free content policies. The original author has also been indefinitely banned for sockpuppetry. |
One day, Wikipedia attracted a retired sports reporter, a golf history buff who lived through a lot of that history. He was very excited!
So he proceeded to go through biographies on some of golf's greats. He started with Jack Nicklaus, a living person.
So he wrote a fantastic introduction to Jack Nicklaus and decided that now might be the time to place a nice photo into his work. So he did.
He placed in a photo of Jack from his promotional pack, and then sat back and sipped some tea while he admired his great start. But soon, something happened.
"Whoops! Sorry. Can't use that!" the retired sports reporter was suddenly told.
"Huh? Why???" he replied back.
"Well, because there is a 'free' photo available of Jack. See, it's right here. You gotta use a 'free' photo."
"But that photo is miserable, surely a complete embarrassment to Jack! The most prominent feature in it is - it's his GUT! - something he lost not too long after someone snapped that photo of him without him even knowing it. And that horrible shot will show up all over the whole Internet in weeks!"
"Well, it already is all over the Internet through Wikipedia's mirrors and stuff. ;-) But sorry. We have to remain 'free'."
"But I am donating my time and expertise here to write this article, and plan on doing scores more. I thought no one was ever going to be charged to read these articles. You know, that it was free."
"Ah! No, that is a common misunderstanding. We mean 'free' as in libre, not 'free' as in beer."
"I'm confused. And I thought this was about 'free' as in education."
"Well, one thing you can do is approach Jack to see if he will release a great photo of himself for 'free'."
"But this photo is free! Jack provides it in his press packet without charge. I know he'd be more than happy to have it used for educational purposes."
"Yes, you are indeed confused. What you have to do is get him to release a photo that anyone anywhere can use for any for-profit or derivable purpose."
"Are you saying I just need to get Jack to give explicit permission to use this promotional photo in Wikipedia?"
"No, no, no. We cannot use photos like that."
"Ugh! Now I think I really am confused! And look, these people have reputations to maintain, and their image is a big part of that. Real lives can be harmed by putting horrible photos of living people like that in an encyclopedia article."
"Well that's Jack's problem, not ours. But let me make it real plain how you and he can solve it. You have to get Jack to release a great photo of himself to the whole world, one that anyone anywhere can sell, or change around in all sorts of ways."
"Um, you're kidding, right?"
"No, not at all."
"Well what about this photo? That's from when Jack was just making it big, back in the early 1960s. I was planning to write a biography article of him, after all. It really has to include his golf career in more than just words."
"Wow, nice shot! Can you get Jack to release it under a 'free' license?"
"Do you mean, Can you get Jack to release that photo to the whole world so that anyone anywhere can sell it or change it around in all sorts of ways?"
"Hey, you're catching on now! And yes, that is what I mean."
"Are you serious? You really do gotta be kidding now, right?"
"No, I assure you I am not."
"So, let me get this straight. You want me to donate my time to write articles that anyone anywhere can then turn and use to make money. And on top of that you want me to get photos for these articles that anyone anywhere can then turn and use to make money...as well as alter and change as they deem fit?"
"Exactly! Look, 'free" is a wonderful goal. We need your help to change how the rest of the world operates. They should be like us, not the other way around. The change is quite clearly inevitable, in fact. Erik Möller even said so."
"Gosh, I am beginning to think I have wasted a lot of time here. These things you are asking me to do - they are just completely unrealistic. Not to mention the gall!"
"Or, you can just write the articles."
"Waddaya mean?"
"Well, they don't need photos, after all. 'Free' is more important than quality, ya know. Kat Walsh even said so."
"Please tell me you really are kidding this time."
"Sorry, I am not."
"Well, I am afraid I must bid you good luck - you're gonna need it - and adieu."
And so the retired sports reporter reverted his edits, buried them under a bunch of trivial minor ones, and was never heard from again.