Talk:You Make Me Wanna.../GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 05:33, 21 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"You Make Me Wanna" is a song by American recording artist Usher. It was written by Usher along with Jermaine Dupri and Manuel Seal, who both produced the tune -> "You Make Me Wanna" is a song by American recording artist Usher, written by the latter, Jermaine Dupri and Manuel Seal, both of which produced the track.

In my opinion this suggestion is of poorer quality. What is wrong with the original? Adabow (talk · contribs) 06:02, 25 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

it makes use of the acoustic guitar, hi-hat and bell -> tidy up. Maybe bell instrumentation, things like that
The song uses a pick-up line as its hook, and focuses on a love triangle relationship -> what pick up line? Who is in a love triangle? Him, the girl and?
"You Make Me Wanna" was released by LaFace Records and Arista Records as the lead single from Usher's second studio album, My Way on August 5, 1997. -> I think it reads better if you try and incorporate this into the first few lines.
as well as a nomination for a Grammy Award. -> Grammy Award nomination
sees Usher -> change wording
several copies of Usher. -> ? Copies?

This one feels awkward to me too. Any suggestions? Adabow (talk · contribs) 06:02, 25 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

performed music on the tune -> better wording can be used
Phil Tan recorded the song at the Somewhere in College Park recording studio, in College Park, Georgia. Tan and Dupri mixed the record with assistance from John and Brian Frye at Studio LaCoCo, in Atlanta, Georgia. -> What? i don't get it, who is he? Also, try and tie the sentences together, so it isn't so much stop and go
It also features hi-hat and bell instrumentation. -> Again, these small sentences don't read well, it makes it read choppy
girlfriend's friend -> c/e -> cheating?

Not really, just wanting to

Now the love triangle makes more sense, try shedding a bit more light on it in the lead.
The second paragraph is kind of its "Release" info, thats what it should be called, it doesn't fit in with composition.
Also, this section needs a lot of tying in, as it features many small and stop and go sentences.

The photo's info sentence is a bit bleak. Do you know what date, or where it is taken? Or what song he's performing?

five copies -> there must be a better word for copies
The video continues with the singer performing dance routines throughout. Interspersed are scenes of the Usher singing the song on a background of blue pipes. Toward the end of the video, he takes off his shirt in the circular room. It closes with Usher and his backup dancers stepping out of their shoes and walking away. -> Way too stop and go, try and lengthen the sentences to create more of a flow for the reader.
Does the video share any form with the song's meaning or story? Or is it just dancing?

- Please address these issues within the next seven days in order to be promoted to GA--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 05:17, 25 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]