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Talk:WWE 2K/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

Okay, let's take a look:

  • "is a series of professional wrestling video games that is developed by" Watch out for obvious redundancies. "that is"

 Done GaryColemanFan (talk) 15:48, 30 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • "YUKE's Future Media Creators" The compnay's name isn't capitalised in the WP article, so I'm assuming it shouldn't be here. WP:MoS#ALLCAPS. Inconsistent with subsequent usage of the name.
  • The lead should be a comprehensive summary of the article, yet it makes no reference to the game's reception.
  • "Since the release of WWE SmackDown! vs. Raw, to date," May mean something different several different months down the line. State the actual year.
  • "prompting the renaming of the series, to the WWE SmackDown series". No need for the comma here.
  • "at basic fundamentals." Not sure about this—if the fundamentals itself means the basics, then isn't describing fundamentals as basic redundant?
  • "where a new control scheme improved the grappling system of the game, called" A pedanticone maybe, but isn't stating that it was an improvement a personal judgement? A may be widely accepted or obvious, but better to be safe with something like "altered".
  • "Unlike the previous games, where the player pressed two buttons to perform a grapple or an attack, with the new control scheme, players were able to place their opponents into a grapple position, where they choose to perform a move by moving the directional buttons of their system's controller". "with the new control scheme," breaks the flow of the sentence and is needless. Could do with "could" before "choose".
    •  Done
  • "to move a meter (labeled "Submit" and "Escape") towards the end of the meter" Meter towards meter? Reword for clarity. I don't know, use "marker" or something.
    •  Done
  • The "Gameplay" section is too long for my linking, although I do realise that it's a series article. However, a lot of words is used to convey very simple concepts. For example, look at how much is said to convey that submission changed from tapping the buttons to move the analogue stick. Needs an effort to make things more concise generally and cut out minutiae.
  • "amount of damage conducted to the player's chosen superstar" Strange word choice. Why not change to "inflicted"?
    •  Done
  • "area; Yellow represents" Why is there a capital letter here?

 Done GaryColemanFan (talk) 15:48, 30 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • I feel that it's needless to go into specifics and that the section could be easily cut down in places. For example, why do you have to go through what each colour represents?
    • Because it is part of the gameplay, it is major, as it is one of the main reason the player measures the damage done in a match, and leads to them losing or winning.--SRX--LatinoHeat 16:21, 30 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "There are four ways to win a match in every game, by pinfall" Could do with a colon instead of a comma after "game".

 Done GaryColemanFan (talk) 15:48, 30 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • "Disqualification, pinfall, submission, and countout are all enabled by default, though they can be altered in an options menu, where they can be enabled or disabled" In my opinion, this sentence is needless—saying whether something is defaulted or not is the most minor of details. Saying that they can be "enabled" at the end is pointless since you've already said that they're enabled by default.
  • "When players selected dirty, the superstar is booed by the audience in the game, oppositely, the clean is cheered by the audience." Firstly, if referring to players as "cleans" is in-game jargon, then it could do with speech marks around them so it doesn't appear as informal text. "Conversely" sound more professional than "oppositely" in my opinion.
    •  Done
  • "The stamina system is measured by a meter on the HUD, the meter decreases when performing a variety of moves." watch out for comma splices; needs a semi-colon.

 Done GaryColemanFan (talk) 15:48, 30 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • "where they draft superstars onto their brand, set champions for their brand, and set up rivalries for their brand; all to compete with the opposing brand." Brandtastic!!!! Resolve by reserving "for their Brand" in the last part of the listing.
  • "This mode, unlike the rest of the games, tended to blur the lines between kayfabe and reality." Could do with a source. Actually, the stuff beyond that needs to be revised. Watch out for original research; don't refer to the reader as "you".
  • Remove the comparison to the other series in the following paragraph.
  • "left with only their bra and panties." When using the words outside of the actual context of the match name, don't use colloquial/informal language.
  • "was released, the online gameplay was improved,". As mentioned above.
    •  Done
  • "called RAW and SmackDown!, names to reflect WWE's television shows." Put "which were" after the comma.
  • "The game in production when the draft occurs, includes those draft changes." Remove the comma. "game" should be plural.

 Done GaryColemanFan (talk) 15:54, 30 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • "The series features a create mode, where players are able to create their own wrestler and move set, or the moves the wrestler is able to perform." Reword for better fluency and clarity.
  • "Create mode" uses the word "enhance" over and over again. Not only is it repetitive, but it's personal judgement.
  • Mentioning subtitles and such stuff in "Development" is related to gameplay not development, unless it can be linked with actual development processes and rationales.
  • "received better reviews from IGN," I know what is meant, but it is actually saying that the reviews were of better quality and weren't more positive.
    •  Done
  • it improve from the" Should have been proofread. Generally poor prose. Needs a proper copyedit.
    •  Done
  • Try to align the review box to the right, as done in Mana (series).
    • It was aligned, someone messed it up, but I moved it back.
  • Incorporate "Games" into "Gameplay". Too short for a standalone section.
  • The Mobygames link contains barely anything. Consider removing it.
  • Many refs don't contain dates even though it's given in the source. Even if it's part of a whole topic, the date needs to be present in every source. Needs publisher, retrieval date, date and author.
  • Ref 27 is just a URL, as is 25

 Done GaryColemanFan (talk) 15:54, 30 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I've also done minor copyedits to remedy multiple other issues. Too many issues. I'm ambivalent about failing it or not, although I'm leaning towards fail as I could not say that this is a well-written article. The sourcing is also poor. Therefore, I will ask for a second opinion from my GAN mentor User: Giggy. Thanks. Ashnard Talk Contribs 15:19, 30 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

A seven-day hold would be appreciated, as that would be more than enough time for a thorough copyedit. GaryColemanFan (talk) 15:43, 30 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I've gotten most of them. Just need to get the rest. Cheers, --SRX--LatinoHeat 16:21, 30 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Ok, all of the concerns have been addressed, your response would be appreciated. SRX--LatinoHeat 17:32, 30 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
You've done an excellent job making the amendemnts. There's a few niggly thinngs I missed previously before I can pass:
  • "disappointing." Needs a source to state who said this.
  • I'm sorry I didn't notcie this before, but I've just realised that "Reception" is referenced exclusively by IGN. These sections need a variety of sources to be balanced and neutral.
  • Overlinking: an article only needs to be linked once in the article. Remove any instances of multiple links to the same article.

I've also copyedited the article more. Fix these and I'll pass the article. Ashnard Talk Contribs 19:10, 30 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I've addressed all your concerns, any further comments?SRX--LatinoHeat 20:25, 30 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
It's pretty late where I live. I'm going to go to sleep, wake up, and then have another look in the morning where I'll most probably pass the article. Thank you for your hard work. Ashnard Talk Contribs 22:03, 30 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Okay, I've passed, although I would still like the "Reception" to be slightly less IGN-centric. Thanks for your hard work. Well done. Ashnard Talk Contribs 07:28, 1 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
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