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Talk:Video Games (Lana Del Rey song)/GA1

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Reviewer: Wikipedian Penguin (talk · contribs) 14:13, 2 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, Sauloviegas. I am reviewing this article for the 2012 WikiCup.

DAB and External links
  • Looks good.
Spotcheck
  • "... as the first single from Del Rey's debut studio album Born to Die, set for release in 2012." – not sourced or supported by any of the sources provided. An iTunes link is there, but I do not see its use.
Supported by three sources. Take a look. - Saulo Talk to Me 20:55, 2 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • The background section looks problematic. Most of it is just quotations and there is little original prose. Much needs to be trimmed and paraphrased.
 Fixed. - Saulo Talk to Me 20:55, 2 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sheet music does not specify the song length and is unreliable for genres. Please provide reliable sources from journalists for the music genre.
How come it isnt reliable for genres? Are you going against several (and by several, I mean several) good articles that use Music Notes as a source for genres? Adding another for the song length... - Saulo Talk to Me 20:55, 2 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Musicnotes.com is a site that hosts sheet music from the artists' publishing companies. The sheet music itself does not provide the music genre does it? That's info provided by the commercial site. Music genre is described by music critics in reviews and news. Musicnotes.com is cited for music composition details, like tempo, chord progression, key, metronome, vocal range, etc. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 21:16, 2 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Just a question, where is the quote from [1] that says that the song is about obsession with video games?
  • The Composition section looks like an issue as well. It is a WP:QUOTEFARM and a lot needs to be paraphrased. I cannot pass this article at such as state and normally it would have failed. The Reception and Music video sections do not look any better.
  • Please address issues before I move on. I will request a second opinion if an article of this state should be passed.
Can I ask someone to copy-edit the article before we continue with the review? - Saulo Talk to Me 22:41, 2 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
No problem. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 02:25, 3 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I have requested a copy edit at GOCE. Can we fix the references and sourcing issues while waiting for the copy edit? - Saulo Talk to Me 17:07, 3 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I'll take a look. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 18:42, 3 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Prose
  • Will do after GOCE copy edits the article. Here are notes to start off the copy edit with, but this is by no means a comprehensive list:
    • ""Video Games" was released on October 10, 2011 as the first single from Del Rey's second album Born to Die, set for release in 2012." - add "which is" after "Die," to avoid confusion.
 Fixed - Saulo Talk to Me 13:04, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • "In an interview with Britsh online magazine The Quietus" - it's an interview for British online magazine...
 Fixed - Saulo Talk to Me 13:04, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Del Rey has stated that the inspiration for the song was an old boyfriend and commented" - you mean "... inspiration for the song came from his ex-boyfriend, commenting"
 Fixed - Saulo Talk to Me 13:04, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • "The song was written and composed by Elizabeth Grant and Justin Parker in the key of F♯ minor and is set in time signature of common time with a tempo of 61 beats per minute." - three "and"s. try and remove at least one by re-wording.
 Fixed - Saulo Talk to Me 13:04, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Per consensus at WP:RSN, we add in-text attribution of Musicnotes.com, so add "According to the sheet music published EMI Music Publishing at Musicnotes.com, the song was written ...".
 Fixed - Saulo Talk to Me 13:04, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Amanda Dobbis realized that ..." - "realized" is not WP:NPOV, neither is "'Video Games' attained worldwide success".
 Fixed - Saulo Talk to Me 13:04, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • "assembled from video clips of skateboarders, cartoons, shots from old movies, and paparazzi footage of Paz de la Huerta falling down while intoxicated" - awkward "assembled from". You mean "produced using" or "composed of"?
 Fixed - Saulo Talk to Me 13:04, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • "'Video Games' has been covered by several artists, including English rock bands Bombay Bicycle Club and Kasabian." - this is not "several".
 Fixed - Saulo Talk to Me 13:04, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Citation formatting
  • [2]
  • Looks good.
Images
  • The sound sample needs a more detailed caption, else it fails WP:NFCC#8. Describe vocals and music composition using sources and critical commentary.
 Done - Saulo Talk to Me 13:04, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
 Fixed - Saulo Talk to Me 13:04, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Looks good now.
Manual of style
  • There are no spaces around em dashes per WP:DASH: "... an old-glamour doom-pop ballad that unashamedly lays its feelings on the line — and we all know what happened the last time a singer did that ..."
 Fixed - Saulo Talk to Me 13:04, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "'Video Games' lasts for four minutes and forty-six seconds." - use numerals instead of words for "forty-six".
 Fixed - Saulo Talk to Me 13:04, 7 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Looks good now.

Pass or Fail: Sauloviegas, I'm awfully sorry. I know GOCE requests take time to get responded to, but I just can't leave this article like this. It has been over a week. The Composition, Critical reception and Music video are still a bit too dense on quotations and it is worrying. The second opinion I had gotten was to wait, but I've waited long enough. I hope this does not come out too harsh because I do respect the effort you've put into the article. I ask that once the article has been copy edited to GA standards it be nominated. Thank you. —WP:PENGUIN · [ TALK ] 10:48, 19 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

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