Talk:Valar/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: LunaEatsTuna (talk · contribs) 07:12, 7 February 2023 (UTC)

• After reviewing cosmology of Tolkien's legendarium I think this article was the next natural progression. Anyways, I have now placed this on hold. As always, please ping me once you are done so I can know when to reevaluate. Thanks! ツLunaEatsTuna (💬)— 08:06, 7 February 2023 (UTC)
  • LunaEatsTuna Many thanks. I think all those are done now. Chiswick Chap (talk) 09:17, 7 February 2023 (UTC)
    • Nice work on yet another great Middle-earth article! I am now happy to pass this article for GA status. Congrats! ツLunaEatsTuna (💬)— 10:14, 7 February 2023 (UTC)

Copyvio check

• No copyvio issues found. Earwig gives one concern, but said webpage was published 20 July 2022 and the content evidently taken directly from Wikipedia. The quotations used are necessary and used in-line with WP:COPYQUOTE.
  • Noted.

Files

All images are relevant, of acceptable quality, and copyright-free:

File:Baldr dead by Eckersberg.jpg: valid public domain rationale;

File:Lippi Tobias and Archangel Raphael.jpg: valid public domain rationale.

• • Noted.

Lead

• Italicise Ainulindalë in the lead.
  • Done.

• "enter the World" – does World need to be capitalised?
  • Yes, as in "Earth", the planet, where Middle-earth is a continent.
    • Oh, that makes sense.

• "that the Elves" – wiki Elves in Middle-earth.
  • Done.

• "but were developed earlier in material published posthumously" – should it not be later? Or, rephrase to state that the Valar were developed by Tolkien before LotR and then published posthumously.
  • Reworded.

Origin and acts

• "Melkor (later named Morgoth, "dark enemy")" – is Morgoth his name in one of the Elvish languages?
  • Sindarin.

• "arrives in the World first" – same capitalisation concern as bullet point two in Lead.
  • As above.

• "darkness and ugliness of Melkor's discordant noise." – discordant noise sounds a bit metaphorical for an encyclopaedia IMO.
  • Ah, but it literally was, as Melkor interfered with the Music of the Valar that shaped the World.
    • My bad!

• "destruction of the Two Lamps" – I know this is a redirect but I think it is worth wikilinking.
  • Done.

• The Noldorin Elf is mentioned before Noldor with only Noldor wikilinked (which I think is correct), but is there any way at all to mention Noldor first? Or perhaps Noldorin could be wikilinked instead?
  • Fixed.

• "hidden city of Gondolin" – wikilink Gondolin.
  • Done.

• "all the Ainur who enter Arda (the World)" – (the World) is unnecessary.
  • Gone.

The chief Valar

• Valier does not need to be in boldface.
  • Yes, it's a redirect target: the Valier don't have a separate article.
    • I see now.

• "like the classical Greek gods" – sounds really out of place to me.
  • OK, discussed elsewhere.

• "Eru the One is not pleased, as the" – this is the only time in this article that Eru is referred to by this title. Is there a reason for this?
  • Fixed.

• The description for Mandos in the table is split into three paragraphs whilst none of the others are.
  • Closed up.

• "Named Irmo, butmore" – but more.
  • Fixed.

• "Fleeter of foot" – is this correct?
  • Yes, but too flowery. Fixed.

• "The Elvish hymn 'A Elbereth Gilthoniel'" – should be A Elbereth Gilthoniel.
  • Fixed.

• "Nessa The Dancer" – is this right or should it be "Nessa the Dancer" like the others?
  • Yes, it's right. 'The Dancer' is her name or epithet, like 'Lady of the Stars' for Varda, etc. It's on a separate line, too.
    • Noted.

Language

• "would be the proto-language of the Elves" – wikilink proto-language.
  • Done.

• "Ten years later he" – recommend "in the 1940s" or providing a more specific date if one is known?
  • Done.

• "Manwë, Ulmo, and Oromë, are" – no need to wikilink Oromë here.
  • Gone.

Analysis

• "Critics such as" – critics?
  • Scholars.

• Wikilink John Garth (author) instead. You could try go mention Tolkien and the Great War separately.
  • Done.

• "Tolkien compared King Théoden of Rohan" – wikilink Rohan, Middle-earth.
  • Done.

• "Tolkien's Elves to Varda/Elbereth as" – recommend just Varda.
  • Reworded; the hymns use "Elbereth".
    • Oh!!

Refs

• Passes spotcheck—no concerns with primary refs 11–13, 20 or 22, or refs 1, 4, 7 or 10.
  • Noted.

• Use template:cite thesis for ref 4 as it allows for more relevant parameters.
  • Done.

Others

• Short desc, quote templates, DEFAULTSORT, navs, other templates and cats good.
  • Noted.

• Recommend adding template:use dmy dates.
  • Added.

• Please add WP:ALT text if you can.
  • Added.

• Efn notes a and b could use citations.
  • Added.

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.