Talk:Uttoxeter/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Beloved Freak 09:13, 7 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for criteria)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
The article is fairly well written but there are some parts which are unclear (more details below) and the prose would benefit from a general copyedit. I have fixed some minor manual of style issues (eg. film titles and newspapers should be in italics). A problem remaining is the length of the lead section (details below).
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
Although a "references" section is provided, there are not nearly enough references, and there is an over-reliance on primary sources and one secondary source in particular (the local newspaper).
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
Much more could be added to the article (more details below). Some aspects may only be tangentially relevant to Uttoxeter.
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
No major problems here, it is fairly balanced and neutral.
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It seems fairly stable, recent edits seem to be to improve the article before a GA nomination
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Images are free and tagged appropriately.
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

I'm afraid this article does not met the GA criteria at this time. The main problems are:

(Criterion 1a): Although fairly well written, the prose would benefit from a general copyedit, and some parts are a little unclear. Some examples:
- There are unsupported attributions (see WP:WEASEL) like "Some historians point to pre-Roman settlement here..." - which historians? "Perhaps the most famous event to have occurred..." - according to whom?
- "...little collaborating archaeology has been found" - collaborating? Or corroborating?
- "Uttoxeter also saw the last major royalist surrender..." - why also? At this point, no other surrender, battle or war has been mentioned
- "This event is commemorated..." - this sentence is a bit awkward (especially the repetition of "commemorate")
- "The town influenced some of her poems and novels, as well as fuelling her love of natural history..." - how did living in Uttoxeter fuel her love of natural history?
- "Recently, three of her poems were displayed..." - recently is a bit vague, and as time goes on, this will be out of date.
- "Dovefields Retail Park was first created in 1998..." - first created? Was it created more than once?
- Cattle Market or cattle market? You have both.
- "The name can also be said with mild humorous effect." - I'm not really sure what this means. What do you mean by mildly humorous? It would need to be more specific, but also supported by a reliable source.
- What exactly is a mystery town in this context?
- "Jeremy Clarkson has previously written that his favourite car journey..." - why previously? Previous to what?
- "John also produced a World Cup Single in 2010 call Victory Day which was filmed on location in Utoxeter Market Place." - I presume you mean called. Generally, singles aren't filmed. Is it the music video that was filmed? We generally refer to people by their surnames, not first names.
- The dialect section should be prose rather than bullet points
- "Often referred to as Uttoxeter - you-tox-eat-er, which is seen as the Queens English pronunciation." - I get the drift of what you're saying here, but it's not completely clear. Also, it's a sentence fragment.
- "Locals and across the Staffordshire Moorlands Uttoxeter is pronounced Uttcheter ut-cheat-er which probably closely resembles..." - this is not grammatically correct
(Criterion 1b): I've fixed some manual of style issues. Please check the changes I have made to see if you agree with them, and also to see some of the problems that were in the article. Per WP:ITALICS, titles of newspapers, films and television shows should be in italics. Titles of poems and songs should be in quotation marks. Although not all aspects of the manual of style need to be adhered to in order to pass GA, one of the main ones that does is WP:LEAD. The lead section (before the table of contents) should cover all of the main points of the article. At the moment, it does not. It's merely acting as a short intro at the moment.
(Criterion 2b): Many more references are needed for this article. There are (several) whole sections that are unreferenced, making it impossible for readers to verify the information. Around Uttoxeter has been listed, but it's not clear which parts have come from that book, and what has come from local knowledge of the many editors to the article over the years. A quick google search brings up History of the town of Uttoxeter by Francis Redfern - although from 1865, this would probably be a good source for the history aspects of the article. I don't know if the GA nominator is in or around Uttoxeter or Staffordshire, but local libraries are great resources for this kind of article. News reports are fine, but it's good to get some books in there too.
(Criterion 3a): I'm sure that quite a lot more could be written about Uttoxeter. Have a look at some other articles on similar topics that are already good or featured articles. Also, have a look at Wikipedia:WikiProject UK geography/How to write about settlements which gives some ideas of what you might expect form this kind of article. I would hope to see some information on the governance of the town, as well as the demographics. Is there available info about the geography? What about architecture? Uttoxter has quite a lot of listed buildings that aren't mentioned
The information that is included already could be expanded on. For example:
- When were the bronze age axes discovered?
- Is there any information on the town between the Norman conquest and 1648? That's nearly 600 years. Do we know who owned the land in Norman times? What about religion and the parish? The parish church isn't mentioned at all, even under landmarks (it's relegated to "see also"). The development of the church & parish usually has an influence on the development of the settlement.
- Can we have some idea of the time for the anecdotes about Johnson and Howitt, to give context?
- What sort or controversy surrounds the opening of the Tesco store, and why?
- What exactly is "the annual Flourish Festival"? What kind of festival is it? Do many people attend from outside the town?
I'm not sure that the information included here is all strictly relevant to Uttoxeter as a town. Some of it seems a bit trivial. For example:
- Jeremy Clarkson's favourite drive
- The fact that the school has an astroturf, RAF fasttrack scheme etc. This isn't a brochure for the school.
- The fact that the racecourse has been visited by Coronation Street characters
- I think there's a bit too much focus on Shane Meadows and his films. Although it's worth mentioning him (perhaps in a "notable residents" section), there shouldn't be too much about his films. If Uttoxeter has been a big influence on them, then that should be mentioned in the articles about him and his films, not here.

In addition to the main GA criteria-related points mentioned above, I think the article could be organised a bit better. Some information is cropping up in several sections (eg Shane Meadows, the racecourse) and is repetitive. The "Television appearances" section is separate from "media", yet television is a medium. Also, some of the information in "Television appearances" is not TV-related, and certainly not TV "appearances". The local park is discussed under "sport" which doesn't really fit. Some of the info under "history" is not really about the history of the town. I think the article would benefit from a section on "notable residents" with some discussion of Johnson, Howitt and Meadows, but without a list (per Wikipedia:WikiProject UK geography/How to write about settlements). A separate list of people from the town can be created if deemed necessary. One final point: the "External links" section has far too many links. Wikipedia is not a directory, and this article should not be a Uttoxeter directory. The vast majority of those links are not necessary.

I would recommend comparing this article to others that are already GA and FA, and at some point submitting it for peer review before a further GA nomination, to get any problems ironed out. Please let me know if you disagree with anything here, or have questions. If you don't agree with this review, you are also welcome to ask for a community reassessment.--Beloved Freak 10:53, 7 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]