Talk:Two Birds (Awake)/GA1
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GA Review
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Reviewer: Gen. Quon (talk · contribs) 01:03, 23 May 2012 (UTC)
Image: Is the image necessary? From what I'm gathering, its just two characters talk. The FU rationale needs to be stronger on the image pageLede: You use the term 'kill him' twice in one sentence. I'd switch it upLede: "2.10" you can drop the '0' since its after the decimalLede: I think the production sentence should be merged with either the first or last paragraph.Plot: "The therapists claim that has is imagining this to cope." -> "The therapists claim that he is imagining the plot to cope."Plot: Maybe explain the red/green reality better. It's rather confusing if you've never seen the showPlot: "Still in the red reality, Michael visits the hacker suggested in the green reality, gains Hawkins' password and unlocks the file, which tells Michael that Hawkins and Kessel had a shipping container where they had been storing the heroin." This sentence is lengthy and confusing.I'd break it up and try to rephrase it so it sounds betterPlot: Watch out for contractions: "they'll"Plot: "this reality's Bird is still alive" Which reality is 'this' (Red or Green)- Production:
The entire first paragraph is completely unsourced, as is the second sentence of the second paragraph.Overall, as with the other Awake article, I feel that this section is rather small, and not that broad. Is there anything else that can be used to bulk it up? Filming locations? Costs? Etc… Production: This section is ridiculously short. I let the other one slide, but I am still uncomfortable. For instance, the pilot has quite a bit written about it. Surely there is something more out there. Five sentences really is pushing it.Ratings: Again, you can drop the '0' since its after the decimalResponse: "HitFix praised parts of the episode…" Which parts?Response: You used the term 'praise', or a variation thereof, five times in a row. Change the wording up a bitResponse: Some of the reviews are short, like the TV Fanatic review. Maybe expand on these a bit
On hold for seven days.--Gen. Quon (talk) 21:24, 23 May 2012 (UTC)
- Thank you for reviewing my article. Tate Brandley Stockwell 02:17, 25 May 2012 (UTC)
- The reception section still needs a bit of work with word repetition as well as short reviews. Also, the whole red/green reality is still not very clear in the prose. Also, I missed this in my first sweep, the third paragraph has a lot of long and winding sentences and parenthetical information. I'd straighten all of it out and remove the choppiness.--Gen. Quon (talk) 18:09, 27 May 2012 (UTC)
Alright. I tweaked most of the article myself. I feel comfortable promoting it to GA. Good job.--Gen. Quon (talk) 00:06, 30 May 2012 (UTC)