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Talk:Tropical Storm Cristina (1996)/GA1

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Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 21:14, 26 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review it, seeing as I'm familiar with the subject matter.

  • "Tropical Storm Cristina was the third landfalling tropical cyclone to hit Mexico in 10 days." - there's no context of the time period, or ocean for that matter. Furthermore, "landfalling tropical cyclone to hit" is highly redundant.
  • "On July 1, a tropical wave organized into a tropical depression off the coast of Central America." - is that true? Technically tropical waves don't organize into tropical cyclones. It is their associated convective activity that develops a low pressure area that organizes into a tropical cyclone. Also, as with the first sentence, there is no context where (what basin).
    • Changed "tropical wave" to "area of disturbed weather" and "organized into "developed". Noted it was off the EPAC side. YE Pacific Hurricane
  • "The depression strengthened into Tropical Storm Cristina on July 2 as it continued its west-northwest track. " - you never previously mentioned a west-northwest track, so "continued" is inappropriate here.
  • "Cristina was almost a hurricane at the time of its landfall near Puerto Angel on July 3. Cristina dissipated over the mountains of Mexico on July 3." - is there any way to avoid [Cristina] and [July 3] in back to back sentences? And "almost a hurricane" doesn't help too much. Did it develop an eye, or is that an assertion of your own that it was "almost a hurricane"?
    • Changed the second "Cristina" to "the cyclone" and the second "July 3" to "later that day". 60 knts=almost a hurricane, so that's not an issue, especially since tropical cyclone is wikilinked in the article. The TC article mentions (I think) that a hurricane starts at 63 knts. Odvisouly, 60 knts is close to hurricane intensity. In addition, the TCR said " It is estimated that Cristina almost reached hurricane strength just before making landfall near Puerto Angel, Mexico around 0900 UTC 3 July." YE Pacific Hurricane 16:32, 28 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • What is the status on the missing people in the lede? It's been 15 years since the storm, so they all wouldn't still be missing.
  • "Cristina originated from an area of thunderstorms just south of Central America on June 30." - Central America is a large sub-continent that goes from northwest to southeast, so a more exact location would be grand.
  • You go from June 30 to June 29. Please maintain a chronological order.
  • "The next afternoon, as convective banding became organized, the National Hurricane Center upgraded the disturbance into Tropical Depression Five-E." - they didn't really upgrade, just initiate advisories.
  • "At this time" - the only time reference in the previous sentence was "the next afternoon", so some more exact details would be good.
  • "The system was in an area of warm water and low wind shear and therefore, strengthening was expected" - slightly awkward. Might I recommend, "With warm waters and low wind shear, officials anticipated further strengthening." Or, you don't have to mention the anticipation, and you could just go for the gold and say "With warm waters and low wind shear, the depression quickly intensified into Tropical Storm Cristina." You also only have a link around water, which is misleading. You should link the full term "warm water" or something.
  • "The storm quickly organized and by the next morning, the depression was upgraded to a tropical storm and named Cristina while 260 miles (420 km) south of Guatemala City, Guatemala[1] based on ship reports of tropical storm force winds north of the center of circulation" - that sentence is poorly written, hence why I suggested the former comment.
  • "The storm was predicted to strengthen into a hurricane within 48 hours because the system was located in a favorable environment." - that is the 2nd time you mention forecasts, and I think here is a good time for that.
  • "Throughout the day, Cristina continued to gradually strengthen while moving towards the Mexican coast." - most of that sentence is fluff. It is already established that the storm is intensifying, so the "continued" isn't needed. It'd also be nice if you say something like "southwest Mexican coastline", since, as with the above, Mexico borders two oceans.
  • "Early on July 3, the center of Tropical Storm Cristina crossed the Mexican coast near Puerto Ángel at peak intensity." - you have the right city name there, but it is not correct in the lede. Also, no need for overlinking. Finally, you use "Tropical Storm Cristina" in two consecutive sentences. Find another way of writing that.
  • "That afternoon, advisories were discontinued by the NHC since there was no evidence of a circulation.[8] By early July 3, the remnants of the tropical storm had completely dissipated" - there is major redundancy there, since they essentially cover the same thing. It is also somewhat contradictory, since you say "that afternoon" (referring to the 3rd) and "early July 3".
  • "Making landfall in the middle of the warning area, Cristina was the third storm to hit the region in less than two weeks." - you should say "ten days", since that is the figure in the lede (and the lede should have a mention everywhere else in the article).
    • Changed to ten days,
  • "Tropical Storm Cristina dropped extreme precipitation over southern Mexico" - TEH EXTREMEZ DUDE!!!!! ...srsly, what is "extreme precipitation"? Why not just say that it dropped rainfall that peaked at X amount in Y? It would help cut down on redundancies. The whole rainfall bit should be in two sentences, IMO.
    • Changed to "extremely heavy precipitation" and combined with the next sentence. YE Pacific Hurricane
  • "Over 1,350 sites received more than 1 in (25 mm) of rain." that isn't backed up by the source.
  • "Flash flooding and mudslides in Oaxaca killed five and in Guerrero killed at least seven people died" - please fix.
  • Do the missing boats have anything to do with the missing people? If so... connect!
  • "In the latter state, 51 communities flooded, thus leaving 350 homeless." - try rewriting. First, there is no mention of "latter state" in the previous sentence. Second, "communities flooded" gives a weird impression. Third, 350 what?
  • " On July 18, the President of Mexico had a meeting for the victims of Boris and Cristina in Acapulco." - and?

Watch your refs. I noticed some typos there. The impact is too short for a storm only 15 years ago. Get some Spanish sources to balance out the English information, and get some more definitive statistics on the missing people. I'm going to fail the GAN, but feel free to let me know if you have any questions. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 21:14, 26 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]

    • C'mon it's 15 years ago. Prior to Hurricane Pauline, storms like this would have no Spanish sources. A brief Spanish search for [Tropical Storm Cristina] revials nothing for the first 5 pages. Most of Google News sated the same thing "TROPICAL STORM CRISTINA LEAVES 62 PEOPLE MISSING". And what do you mean by definitive statistics on the missing people? I fixed a few typos
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