Jump to content

Talk:Stephen D. Richards/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

[edit]
GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 13:02, 17 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

  • "Nebraska Fiend," comma not inside. Also Nebraska Fiend could be created as a plausible redirect.
Done and for further note, Nebraska Fiend already exists as The Nebraska Fiend. Might just do a double redirect if that would be suitable.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "confessed to committing six to nine murders" this reads odd, it may become clearer in the article, but the range of six-nine, was it because he couldn't remember how many he'd killed?
This one's a bit tricky. It is not that he doesn't know how many he killed, various newspaper articles I found varied on the body count, some listed it as 9 while others listed it as 6.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " In 1876, Richards left his home in Mount Pleasant, heading Westward " no need to repeat where his home was, and why is Westward capitalised?
My online editing program must have done that, I didn't even know that. Thanks for pointing that out.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "where he claimed to have lost all empathy towards others during his time there" grim phrasing. "where ... there...", needs rework.
Reworked to read as this:P In a quote in the Omaha Herald, Richards reportedly claimed that, once he had left employment at the asylum, he "didn't care for anything and had no respect for human nature."--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "in which he claimed" no need for in.
  • " After committing several ..." too many run-ons and "after ... later" reads poorly.
Changed to read as: "After committing several other murders, which he later claimed were in self-defense, Richards fled after murdering the Harlson family, and was eventually captured in his home town of Mount Pleasant."--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " for the murder of Mary L. Harlson and her three children, and for the murder of his neighbor Peter Anderson" -> "murders of Mary L. Harlson, her three children, and his neighbor Peter Anderson"
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Regarded as.." this sentence is missing something. Or it should start "He was regarded ...".
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Ted Bundy, who referred to Richards as The Old West’s Ted Bundy, based on these characteristics." who referred to Richards? Lost the subject.
Clarified.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Also, that sentence repeats "these characteristics" which is clunky.
Deleted.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " posthumously in " posthumously is a dab link.
Changed.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Infobox:
    • The Nebraska Fiend[8][5] - ref order.
Changed.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
    • 6-9 needs to be an en-dash.
    • "Late 1876 (exact date unknown)–December 9, 1878" spaced en-dash.
There is no way of doing that since the en dash is automatically generated from | beginyear = Late 1876 (exact date unknown)

| endyear = December 9, 1878 code.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Well it's because it's for years, not partial dates. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 17:21, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "West Virginia,[9][Note 1] on March 18, 1856.[9] " don't need to use [9] twice for one sentence.
Changed.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "part of a family of six other siblings, consisting of a brother and five sisters." too much, just say "he was said to have had five sisters and a brother" all the rest is just filler.
Changed.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "family out of state to " out of state adds nothing.
Removed--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Monroe County - should be capital C.
Changed.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "to Noble County.[10][9] " order.
Changed--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "a farmer,[13][14] "made no profession of religion"." two refs for "a farmer"? Yet no ref for the direct quote.
Fixed.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "would remain under his parents' roof during this time," -> "lived with his parents".
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "passed away" - died.
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " unknown causes.[15][9] " order.
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "whom he kept regular correspondence" -> with whom he regularly corresponded.
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "men of questionable occupation" what? Avoid euphamisms.
Reworded to: Also during this time, Richards came in contact with men whom he claimed were of "questionable occupation",--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " he claimed, had" he claimed that he had,..
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "For a time, Richards set up residency in Iowa," -> "Richards lived in Iowa"
Slightly reworded that considering it was a temporary residency and the sentence sounds better retaining the "For a time" at the beginning.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The New York Times " The is part of the title of the work so should be italics.
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "n a quote in the Omaha Herald" -> "Quoted by the Omaha Herald..."
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Richards reported claimed" eh?
Fixed typo to reportedly rather than reported.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "When I left there... I" non-breaking space before the ellipsis.
Reworded the introductory sentence to the quote and removed "When I left" portion.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Fall should be uncapitalised.
Done--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Hastings, Nebraska before" comma after Nebraska.
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 16:44, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

That's the lead, infobox and first section done. See how you get on with that lot and if satisfactory, I'll move on to the next few sections. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 10:18, 19 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Murders section

[edit]
  • " in 1876 and 1877" between rather than in.
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Avoid single-sentence paragraphs.
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "After refusing to return the man's money" just "After refusing" would work.
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "he realized" Richards realized.
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • ""he two men were friends " the two strangers were friends.
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Growing increasingly nervous from the stranger's interrogatory questions" interrogatory questions -> interrogation.
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Before arriving at Kerney" replace Kerney (misspelt) with "there" to avoid repeating the name so quickly.
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "a train robber of some profession" odd way of putting it, do you mean "experienced train robber" or "capable train robber" really?
Records I was able to dig up just stated that he was a train robber. It seemed more appropriate to word it that way.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Jasper's wife Mary,[14][26][31]" three refs for three words??
A lot of sources refer to her as Mrs. Harlson. The three that I managed to dig up listed her first name, which is notable, and more appropriate.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Not realizing this, " not realising what?
Reworded to "Richards, having not realized his clothes still had bloodstains on them, jokingly replied that it must have come from the men he murdered, which ended the conversation."--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link "buggy" as, in the UK for example, it means something very different.
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Non-breaking space between 3 and a.m. each time.
  • "Near the end " Toward the end...
Changed.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "aroused his partner," reads very strange, not what I think it should mean. Roused, maybe. Or was he really turning him on?
Funny, changed it to the correct wording.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "An article from The Nebraska State Journal reporting t... fragment so no period.
Removed.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "larceny,[4] which he later claimed was a "false charge". " ref the direct quote, and move [4] to the end of the sentence.
Direct quote was found in Nebraska State Journal reference, which I added there. Moved Wilson reference to the second sentence.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " aiding her husband and another prisoner" to do what? Escape perhaps?
Changed to "Aiding in the escape of her husband".--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "jail ... jailed" repetitive
Changed jailed to arrested.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Jasper Richards" who he?
Must have been a leftover from a deleted sentence. Removed it.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "$600," inflate?
Added.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "When Richards arrived" arrive is quickly repeated.
Reworded to "Once Richards had arrived at the Harlson family homestead, Mary transferred the property to him, and he settled down there for several weeks."--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "'talked too much'," quotes not apostrophes.
Changed.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Non-breaking space starting the ellipsis.
Added.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Brown went to feed the horses... " few too many run-on clauses here. In fact it doesn't make sense. I imagine there should be a full stop, thus: "the farm. After"
Changed to "Brown left to feed the horses and complete other chores around the farm."--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • No need to link common words like "spade".
Removed link.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Or "axe". Which I would have thought would have been ax in USEng, but whatever.
Removed link.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "dying immediately after the first several blows" doesn't sound "immediate".
Removed word.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • More quotes in apostrophes rather than quotes...
Apostrophes are for paraphrased quotes.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "agreed to help his" followed by "nine days after Anderson's murder", that escalated quickly.
Reworded to "In December 1878, Richards agreed to help his neighbor, a Swedish immigrant named Peter Anderson, with some work on Anderson's property, while under Anderson's employment, Richards possibly used the alias Dick Richardson, as it was later reported by The Columbus Journal."--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "On December 9th,[4][8] " -th.
Not entirely sure what you mean by this.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:01, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Take away the "th". The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 19:29, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

That's it for this tranche. Next up "Fleeing the law". The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 10:19, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Fleeing the law section

[edit]
  • " to Bloomington.[41][13][2]" ref order.
  • " fled the scene " vs "Fleeing the area" repetitive.
  • " Bridgeport, Ohio before " comma after Ohio.
  • Wheeling and Mount Pleasant both overinked.
  • "(about $5,173.56 " don't inflate to the nearest cent. Nearest 10 bucks in this context would be fine.
  • "have varied somewhat" vary somewhat.
  • "Pleasant.[30][9][43]" ref order.
  • "an old acquaintance" -> "a former acquaintance"
  • "source would claim that" -> "source claims that"
  • "in Austin, Texas in early" comma after Texas.
  • "in the accompaniment of" -> "accompanied by".
  • " the wanted poster"-> "one of the posters".
  • "the two women refused to do so," no need for "to do so".
  • " man - either " should be endash, not hyphen.
  • "jailed him in" -> "jailed Richards in"
  • "murders[11] over a period of three years.[24] " move [11] to before [24].
  • And "a period of" is redundant.
  • "Leavenworth, Kansas newspaper " comma after Kansas.
  • " $200 reward" inflate.
  • " Martin[14][15] feared that Richards would be lynched." move refs to end of sentence.

That's it. Trial, pathology and legacy sections next, and then I'll check references. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 19:47, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Completed all necessary changes with exception of $200 reward as the inflation adjustment is mentioned earlier in the article.--Paleface Jack (talk) 20:08, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Trial, pathology and legacy sections

[edit]
  • "arguing that Anderson's murder" what about the other murders, how did he justify those?
He was only charged for the Harlson family and Mr. Anderson's murders.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Stephen Dee Richards" no need to repeat Stephen Dee.
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "April 26,[10] 1879.[50]" put the refs together, this makes for very unpleasant reading.
One ref cites the exact day the other only cites the year. It would be inappropriate to place them both together if they both give different information.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " between 2,000[13] and 25,000" same.
One source cites it as 2,000 while the other cites it as 25,000. The citations really need to remain where they are as they only give the alternate information that they are cited for.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "at bay,[43][28]" order.
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Stephen Dee Richards was hanged in Minden on April 26,[10] 1879.[50]" this seems a little premature now since you go on to describe the events leading up to the hanging after this.
Same scenario here.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Sheriff Martin and his deputy and the " comma after deputy here.
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "for the criminal to die" -> "for him to die".
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Richards' body was stolen" put Richards' outside the pipe.
I am not sure what you are meaning by this.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "presumably by " according to whom?
Added accusor.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "that Kearney County Gazette had" that the Kearney...
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the current location of the skull remains unknown." hard to prove a negative I suppose, but is there anything RS saying this?
Unfortunately, like my attempts to find more photographic and artistic depictions of Richards from that time period, I have been unable to find any. Let us just leave it there for now unless someone else says that it should be removed.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "after his arrest.[11][10] " ref order.
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "cheerful'.[35][9] " ditto.
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "unconcerned after the verdict" no need for "after the verdict".
Removed.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Goes "would" crazy here, eight times in two paras. Things like "who would also note that" -> "who also noted that". for example.
Reworded.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Richards would make an " made. But you covered this in part in the preceding section, why go over it again?
This was more to show that Richards was being manipulative by trying to gather public sympathy.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • No need to link common terms like Reverend.
Delinked.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Nebraska State Journal." in italics and link the whole thing.
Done.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "than nine.[9][3]" ref order.
Reordered.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • ""Harrelson".[14][24][15]" order.
Reordered.--Paleface Jack (talk) 18:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Nearly there now, on this first pass. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 11:08, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you. I will begin again from the very beginning once my energy levels are restored! Should be soon. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 18:25, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

From the top

[edit]

I've gone over it again, made a few minor changes, and I'm content that it meets the GA criteria, so I'll promote. Good work. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 10:55, 23 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Stephen_D._Richards/GA1&oldid=1141743582"