Talk:She Wolf (album)/GA2

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Prism (talk · contribs) 19:03, 31 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Woo! Let's finally make She Wolf a good topic (I hope). I won't be able to do this in less than two days probably, and tomorrow will be a really busy day for me. Anyway, let's get started. prism △ 19:03, 31 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

No problem! I'm grateful that someone took the review at least! --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 19:39, 31 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Step 1: General overview

Dablinks denotes some disambiguation links.

The dablink pointing out to She-wolf (disambiguation) is actually meant to go to a disambig page. As for BPI, I have corrected it. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 06:45, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Checklinks does not denote any 'problematic' link.
Original research: some sentences that are not sourced are addressed below.

Step 2: Prose

Lead

Move reception section to above the singles paragraph.

Done --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 19:39, 31 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Since it's always repeating "released", change the first sentence to "The album spawned four singles.";

I have made some tweaks.

However, the album did not perform well in the United States. It debuted at number fifteen on the US Billboard 200 with first-week sales of 89,000 copies. → "However, the album did not perform well in the United States, debuting at number fifteen on the US Billboard 200 with first-week sales of 89,000 copies".

Done --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 19:39, 31 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"gold in countries like France and the United Kingdom" → "gold in a multitude of countries, including France and the United Kingdom" (multitude since it was certified Gold in 11 countries).

Done --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 19:39, 31 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Background and production

"which was recorded at the Compass Point Studios in the Bahamas" → This could falsely lead the reader to think the album was entirely recorded there. I've just checked my She Wolf CD booklet and it states the album was recorded at a lot of places, not only at Compass Point Studios. Either remove this part, or write something like "which was, among other places,<ref>She Wolf liner notes</ref>, at the Compass Point Studios in the Bahamas.

I took the latter approach. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 19:39, 31 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

You didn't add the liner notes reference though, that is needed, since the source only addresses that specific studio. prism △ 01:13, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Done --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 08:10, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"As executive producers, Shakira and Amanda Ghost enlisted" → this is written exactly like it is in the lead section, could you reword this a bit?

Done --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 19:39, 31 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"Sam Endicott, musician and lead singer of American post-punk band The Bravery who co-composed the title track of the album along with John Hill, explained how they both began working with Shakira, saying [...]" → the part that explains who is Endicott is extremely long. Why not: "Sam Endicott, musician and lead singer of [...] The Bravery, explained how [quote, etc.] Endicott and Hill co-composed the album's title track."

Done I have made changes but in a slightly different manner. Basically I broke up the sentence --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 19:39, 31 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

The second (and last) paragraph is just... too big. Can you break it in two new paragraphs? prism △ 01:15, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Based on some tips I had been given in some other review, I have done some splitting. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 08:10, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Musical styles and lyrics

"The title track is a primary example of the electronic-styled production" → remove primary, "primarily" is used in the beginning of the section and it kind of sounds like a repetition.

Done --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 19:39, 31 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"that she wrote that while "fantasizing about fleas [...]" → substitute "that" with "those lyrics", and between 'while' and 'fantasizing', put "actually".

Done the first part. However, I believe we cannot add "actually" since it isn't something apparent and might not be what the singer was trying to convey. We can add words in quotes that are obvious and don't change the tone of the quote. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 19:39, 31 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

" ""She Wolf" is the woman " → "'She Wolf' is the woman"

Done I did this article a long time back when I was just starting out, so it's bound to have some embarrassing mistakes hehehe --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 19:39, 31 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

The sentence explaining the album title is out of place here. Move it to background section. prism △ 01:14, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Done --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 08:10, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Release and promotion

Singles

"It was well received by music critics, who praised its disco influences and unusual lyrics." → Needs, at least, one citation.

Added --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 08:10, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"tt peaked" → typo

Done --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 08:10, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"component charts" → It doesn't specify what chart do the component charts derive from. Maybe "component charts of the Billboard Hot 100"?

Done by removing the "component" part. I don't remember putting that there. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 08:10, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Reference linking to IMVDb: you'll have to substitute that, it's certainly not reliable and it probably won't be that hard to find another website that discusses the music video concept.

Done --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 08:10, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

""Did It Again" was released as the second single off the album on 16 October 2009. The single was not officially released in the US market, where it was substituted by "Give It Up To Me", the third single off the album." → ""Did It Again" was released as the second single off the album worldwide on 16 October 2009, excluding the United States, where it was substituted by "Give It Up to Me".".

Done --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 08:10, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"The song was met with positive reviews from music critics and was complimented for its expressive songwriting." → Needs a citation.

Added --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 08:10, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"It peaked at number 29 on the Billboard Hot 100 and at number 23 on the Pop Songs components charts." → "components"? + shouldn't this be written like "It peaked at number 29 on the Billboard Hot 100, and on its component chart Pop Songs, at number 23.

I just removed that "component" part. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 08:10, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"The song generated a positive response from music critics, many of whom praised its acoustic-styled production." → Again, needs a citation.

Added --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 08:10, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"Commercially, the single was a success. It charted inside the top 10 in countries like" → Could you merge these sentences?

Done --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 08:10, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"on the US Billboard Hot 100 Chart" → Chart being wikilinked and with a capital 'C' is unnecessary; plus nothing about the Hot 100 should be linked, since it was just linked on the previous paragraph.

Done like I said, a very old work of mine, so a lot of mistakes. I have corrected some more overlinking problems --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 08:10, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"An accompanying music video for the song was directed by Jaume de Laiguana and stars Spanish professional tennis player Rafael Nadal as Shakira's love interest." → "An accompanying music video for the song, directed by Jame de Laiguana, stars Spanish professional tennis player Rafael Nadal as Shakira's love interest.".

Prism your English is truly good! You needn't believe that it's not that good. It is, trust me. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 08:10, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Well thank you!

You'll have to remove the IMVDb source in the Gypsy sentence too. prism △ 13:13, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Removed --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 17:34, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Critical reception

Italicise every instance of She Wolf.

Done --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 08:10, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

The Telegraph → The Daily Telegraph

Done --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 08:10, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Commercial performance

"peaked at number four on the Ö3 Austria Top 40 chart, staying on the chart for a total of 15 weeks." → "peaked at number four on the Ö3 Austria Top 40 chart, where it stayed for a total of 15 weeks"

I'm not sure if this should be done. It makes it seem as though it stayed at number four for 15 weeks. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 08:10, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I don't really like how the countries' chart positions are addressed. It really sticks with the same formula, everytime: "In [country], the album entered the [chart] at number [?] and peaked at number [?], staying on the chart for [?] weeks". Could you reword them a bit? It's kind of boring to read, to be honest...

Done ~~This might take some time. Before the review started, I was thinking of rewording the paragraph, but in the end by laziness got me.~~ --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 08:10, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Step 3: References

R19 → Should have Digital Spy and Hearst Magazines UK (not Hearst Corporation) linked.

I assume you meant Ref no. 9? --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 08:10, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

R22 → Digital Spy is italicised; shouldn't be. Don't wikilink any of the parameters...
R43 → Billboard is wikilinked, and not italicised.
R84 → Something appears to be wrong there...

Fixed all

Step 4: Final corrections

Musical styles and lyrics

"In "Mon Amour", she wishes that her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend have a terrible vacation in Paris and are eaten alive by "French fleas". Shakira stated that she wrote those lyrics while "fantasizing about fleas in France eating them both alive"" → This still looks a bit odd in my eyes... I don't think the last part is actually necessary.

Removed last part --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 17:34, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Commercial performance

"national albums chart" → "its album chart"

Done --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 17:34, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Step 5: List checking

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Congratulations!! prism △ 17:42, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! Woooo! Going to nominate for Good Topic! THANK YOu By the way, Legobot posted on my talk page saying that my nomination failed and I got so worried. But then I saw this! GLAD --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 17:59, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.