Talk:Santa María de la Cabeza castle/GA3

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 07:34, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'll get to this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 07:34, 13 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Move the link for bastion to its first appearance.
This is awkward: Several strict typological construction canons, established during the seventeenth century, were applied to the castle's design. I'm not sure what you're trying to say here. That it followed widely used design formulas? Clarify this in simple concepts.
What does this mean? It has a proportionate geometric floor?
Typology is generally confusing in this article. Can you find a more common word or phrase to describe what you mean? Something like design or pattern, perhaps?
This is confusing to me because I read it as two separate designs done at separate times in stead of one design with two elements: The walls designed in two sections
the lower part of the wall is plain and perpendicular to the floor, but the upper part is inclined above the stringcourse. From the pictures the entire wall is plain, aside from the balustrades on the upper section, but the main difference is that the upper part is inclined inwards. So I'd suggest that you phrase that part like this: "the lower part of the wall is vertical (or perpendicular to the base) and the upper part above the stringcourse is inclined inwards."
This design change makes the fort unique in Venezuela;[6] in most castles, the lower part of their walls has an inclined angle and the upper portion is upright. It's not really a design change, but just a design and I'd suggest clarifying the last clause like so: "the lower portion of their walls is inclined outward at their base and the upper part is vertical (or perpendicular to the base)
Combine these two sentences: The castle's front is oriented to the east. Its perimeter is defined by a ditch, part of the fort's original design with the Plaza de Armas (Weapons Square) in the city.
As of 2008 the building had lost its parapets and shelters, although the composition of its defenses and straight walls was preserved. Problem with tenses here. "has lost" and "has been preserved"
What does composition mean in that sentence? Layout?
Capitalize governor: Several years later, governor Don Sancho
What does this mean? favor from the war council
Fix this: due to its location on a hilltop (far from city and coast) the lack of a suitable water supply.
And this: the governor then requested demolition of the older two structures Either "then requested that the older two structures be demolished" or "then requested permission to demolish"
This is confusing: an earthquake devastated the city. Its effects are recorded in correspondence sent to the King of Spain that was collected in a 1979 study by J. Grases.[10][11] The quake severely damaged the Santa María castle.[3] After intervention in 1912 by Santos Berrizbeitia, who offered to repair the castle, the embankment was filled in for construction of the Mount Carmel chapel and the deteriorated parapets were demolished. In the process, the slopes and terraces originally present on Diaz Fajardo's 1737 map were probably buried.
- Fixed all the ones above this comment. — ΛΧΣ²¹ 19:51, 17 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Who is Santos Berrizbeitia?
- Don't know exactly; he doesn't appears to be very well specified on sources. I will take a look soon. — ΛΧΣ²¹ 03:47, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
The last two paragraphs in the History section need to be rewritten.
At least a couple of the photos in the gallery are redundant.
Pictures are appopriately licensed.
This article may need outside copyediting.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 18:14, 15 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- It was copyedited by Miniapolis, who, in my view, is an outsider to this topic. — ΛΧΣ²¹ 03:47, 22 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - I suppose so, but I'm not really sure that that would makes much difference. Your changes have improved things, but not enough to pass the GA criteria. Might I suggest that you request a copy edit from User:Diannaa and you can help her with any specialist terminology.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 06:42, 23 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    - Okay. I will ping her talk to request her assistance here. Regards. — ΛΧΣ²¹ 19:36, 23 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments and questions from Diannaa

The front of the castle is oriented to the east, with its perimeter defined by a ditch, as part of the fort's original design with the Plaza de Armas (Weapons Square) in the city. I want to re-word this, but I Don't know what to say, as it is unclear whether or not the ditch still exists. Also unclear is the location of the ditch. Did it go around the whole perimeter, or only between the castle and the Plaza de Armas?
- The ditch does not exist now. It was covered when the Chapel was built, if I'm correct. Also, the ditch went around the whole perimeter.
Please see if you can find out when the building was abandoned. -- Dianna (talk) 21:46, 28 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- The castle was abandoned after the erathquake of 1929, mainly because the castle was left in ruins and unusable.
- If you need anything else, please let me know. And thanks. — ΛΧΣ²¹ 21:50, 28 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - I will do another copy editing pass tomorrow and probably will spot a few more things to change. -- Dianna (talk) 01:02, 29 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    - Okay. Thank you! — ΛΧΣ²¹ 01:04, 29 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      - I have done another round of copy edits and am satisfied with the prose. I think the images in the gallery need captions; What direction is the camera pointing? What part of the castle are we viewing? One of the images was a duplicate so I removed it.
        I would like Sturmvogel to take a look at this source in particular, as I am uncomfortable with the amount of too-close paraphrasing I found. Hopefully the copy edit has corrected the problem, but it needs a look please. -- Dianna (talk) 01:01, 30 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
        Id like as much eyes as possible. I'm good writing articles from english sources but I'm a bit bad translating sources by myself without falling into CP sometimes, even when I am a native speaker of spanish :/ Thanks for the copyedit Diannaa. Amazing work. — ΛΧΣ²¹ 02:48, 30 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I don't read Spanish; all I can tell is that the general structure of the two seems to be similar. If you think that there's a problem, then perhaps you can ask for another Spanish-speaking editor to check for close paraphrasing or fix the issues yourself. A couple of minor points still remain.

Split the lede sentence in two.
- Done.
What does a "proportional geometric floor plan" mean? It doesn't appear to be that way in the plan.
- No idea. Changed to "its floor has a geometric design".
Why is the design called a "Permanent bastioned fortification"? Change that clumsy circumlocution to something like "the trace italienne-style popular in the 17th century" Both in the lede and in the main body.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 21:44, 31 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Done. — ΛΧΣ²¹ 04:39, 7 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]