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Talk:Robert Grace (manufacturer)/GA1

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 19:42, 10 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

  • " iron items like " -> " iron items including"


  • "Benjamin Franklin" link.


  • "Benjamin Franklin. He once loaned Franklin some money"... "Benjamin Franklin to whom he once made a monetary loan."


  • "Franklin repaid him with the design of the Franklin" -> "The debt was repaid by Franklin with the design of his eponymous stove"... just trying to avoid Franklin so many times in one sentence.


  • " One thing led to another" not encyclopedic in tone at all.


  • Where is DoB referenced.


  • "descendant of the seventeenth-century" well given he was born in the early 18th century, is it possible to say how "descended"? Richard Grace died only 18 years before Robert Grace was born...


  • "Baron of Courtstown" what/where is this?


  • Might be worth linking "invasion of Ireland".


  • "repaid in more ways than one" not encyclopedic in tone.


  • "Junto Club" is this notable?


  • "It was proposed" by whom?


  • "by Benjamin Franklin for" no need for first name.


  • "married Mrs. Rebecca Nutt" where I'm from, we don't put a period at the end of Mrs


  • "and Franklin. Franklin invented" repetitive.


  • Link "casting" appropriately.


  • "revolutionary" in what sense?!


  • "Grace was selling.." Grace sold...


  • "Franklin was advertising... " Franklin advertised...


  • "sold thru merchants" through.


  • Is there a "manufacturer" category appropriate here?


That's it, on hold. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 19:46, 11 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

  • "when he was a teenager " who, Franklin or Grace?
  • "iron bells were also made at this forge factory. An iron bell" bit clunky repetitive, can we rephrase to smooth it out with the repeat?

The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 08:28, 12 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Ok cool, seems fine to me, so promoting. Good work. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!!!!) 13:05, 12 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]