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Talk:On Her Majesty's Secret Service (novel)/GA1

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Reviewer: Sarastro1 (talk · contribs) 22:49, 1 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I will review this in the next day or two. --Sarastro1 (talk) 22:49, 1 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I have done some minor copyediting which you may feel free to revert if you are unhappy or I've messed up. --Sarastro1 (talk) 22:31, 2 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Lead
  • "Fleming wrote the book whilst the first film in the Eon Productions series of films, Dr. No, was being filmed nearby." May be better to say where it was being written and filmed rather than leave it hanging.
  • Done
  • "what is known as the "Blofeld trilogy", which begins with Thunderball, had an interlude with The Spy Who Loved Me and concluded with You Only Live Twice." If TSWLM is not part of the trilogy (and a trilogy should be three books, really.), perhaps leave it out here. Just because it was published between the other books does not mean the trilogy must include it. Unless I'm missing something. But it is not mentioned in the main body.
  • Done
  • "Bond finds him thorough the College of Arms in London and, after meeting him and discovering his latest plans, attacks the centre where he is based, although Blofeld escapes in the confusion." A bit vague here: I initially read this as meaning he found him within the College of Arms, and I think it could be specified where he finds him.
  • Done
  • "Bond also meets and marries in the story": Meets and marries who? I would also suggest framing it: "Bond meets and falls in love with X during the story. The pair marry at the end of the story but Blofeld kills Bond's wife hours after the ceremony". And I think we should name her here.
  • Done
  • Done - I think!
Plot
  • "Tracy' to her friends": A little informal. Maybe simply add "known as Tracy" or even "(Tracy)" when she is introduced.
  • Done
  • "the only way to save his daughter": From?
  • Done
  • College of Arms "lead": Probably not important for the article, but how did they know that it was Blofeld? It suggests he was not so hard to find!
  • A slightly grey area in the book - seems the FO had a watch out for him and one of these had been seen by Sable Basilisk who put two and two together... It's one of the many areas in the Bond stories you don't ask too many questions or it all falls apart!
  • Grenade: The tossing of one grenade seems a little detailed for the plot section, unless I am missing its significance.
  • Done. It sort of made sense if there had been a lot of other stuff in there, but it would have been too detailsed for the plot summary, so I've taken it out.
Background
  • "Fleming later changed the title after being told of a nineteenth-century sailing novel seen by Fleming's friend Nicholas Henderson in Portobello Road Market.": Why? What was the book?
  • On Her Majesty's Secret Service! I've clarified it in the test; the only other non-Fleming book I can see in the British Library is an 1878 novel by an unknown author.
  • "Fleming did make mistakes in the novel, however, and after Bond ordered a half-bottle of Pol Roger Champagne, Fleming's friend Patrick Leigh Fermor pointed out that that it was the only champagne at the time not to be produced in half-bottles.": Not sure about the "and" here. Given that it says "mistakes" and only one is listed, either add another or perhaps say "for example".
  • Done
Reviews
  • "noted that the two minor grammatical errors he spotted "is likely to spoil no one's enjoyment": Plural errors, singular is.
  • Done
  • "Whilst The Sunday Times said that "James Bond is what every man would like to be, and what every woman would like between her sheets",[12] the critic for The Times considered that after The Spy Who Loved Me, "On Her Majesty's Secret Service constitutes a substantial, if not quite a complete, recovery."": Not sure about whilst as it implies a contrast that is not there.
  • Done
  • "Having said that, he sets out to argue that point anyway": A little too much like editorialising for me.
  • Done
  • "Kirsch also believed that "with Fleming, then we do not merely accept the willing suspension of disbelief, we yearn for it, we hunger for it."": Something not quite right: "then" doesn't seem to fit.
  • Done (using the power of "..."!)
Adaptations
  • "With the novels films in a different order to the books": Does not quite sound right.
  • Done
  • "Even so, the previous film, You Only Live Twice, had Blofeld and Bond meeting and this was ignored for the plot of On Her Majesty's Secret Service": To clarify, this means that the film ignored the fact they met in the previous film and followed the plot of the book?
  • Done
General
  • The background section suggests this is the first time "007" is used, as the term's origin is explained. Is that the case? If not, why is it in the background. If so, maybe make it explicit.
  • I've taken it out altogether, just to keep it nice and clean
  • Also, for the benefit of those who only saw the films, perhaps make it clear that Bond had not previously met Blofeld face to face?
  • Done
  • Images fine apart from the 007 symbol. Apart from wondering if it should be there (see above), I see from the license that you created it. This seems odd if it is the chap's signature. Perhaps make clear on the image page how you made this and what it is based on.
  • Unable to do spot checks on this one, but no concerns.

Another very enjoyable article. Just a few points to clear up before I pass and I'll place it on hold for now. --Sarastro1 (talk) 22:31, 2 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks very much for a good review - and for the copy edits, which I have left intact as they have only strengthened the article, not weakened it. I've addressed all the points you've raised and hope that my subsequent edits have covered all your concerns, but please let me know if I've missed anything or if I've misunderstood. Thanks again! - SchroCat (^ • @) 09:04, 3 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
All good, and I will pass now. Just two minor things which are pretty much just my opinion and do not prevent this being a GA.
  • I think "However, having said that..." suggests an editorial view analysing the writer of the review, but you may with justification disagree, so no problem if you prefer the current wording.
  • The information about Blofeld having never met Bond in person is unreferenced; this is not really a problem as it is a plot point, which makes me wonder would the information be better in the plot section to clarify that he would not have recognised Bond when they met? Again, you may disagree and if so, no problem. --Sarastro1 (talk) 22:11, 4 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
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