Talk:New York (state)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 12:57, 27 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, I'll take a comprehensive review of this. I should have this complete within 48 hours ☠ JAGUAR ☠ 12:57, 27 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose is "clear and concise", without copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors:

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. Has an appropriate reference section:

B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:

B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

Initial comments

Lead

Per WP:LEADCITE, citations are often discouraged in the lead unless it's citing controversial information or statistics. I think instances such as censuses would be an exception but I notice an overkill on citations in the lead, such as "has been described as the cultural and financial capital of the world,[16][17][18][19][20]" and "40% live on Long Island.[23][24][25][26]" - cutting down/relocating a few wouldn't hurt
"With a Census-estimated population of nearly 8.5 million in 2014" - no need for census to be capitalised here
"With a Census-estimated population of nearly 8.5 million in 2014, New York City is the most populous city in the United States" - is the population of New York City relevant in the opening paragraph of the lead? It makes it sound like New York state has a population of 8.5 million
I think I'll say that the lead just summarises the article per WP:LEAD - but almost the whole second paragraph is about New York City and I feel that some more details about the state's economy/geography/history could be added in to fully summarise

Body

The first half of the American Revolution section is unreferenced
"was fought in New York at the Battle of Long Island (a.k.a. Battle of Brooklyn)" - does this have to be in italics?
"New York had the second-highest population of slaves after Charleston, SC" - Charleston should be linked and South Carolina should be written out fully
"More than 12 million immigrants passed through Ellis Island between 1892 and 1954. In the 21st century, more than 100 million Americans across the United States can trace their ancestry to these immigrants" - unreferenced, and if this were to be referenced I'd recommend merging this with another paragraph to improve prose flow
"ruled that the original 3.3 acre island" - could be converted into hectares like the sentence after it
Some paragraphs in the Geography section that are not referenced
"The Montauk Point State Park boasts the 1797 Montauk Lighthouse, commissioned under President George Washington" - overlink 'President'
The National parks section does not contain any real prose and almost every bullet point is unreferenced, I'm unsure myself if that would pass the GA criteria as some of it appears trivial. Instances like "Home of Franklin D. Roosevelt National Historic Site, established in 1945, preserves the Springwood estate in Hyde Park, New York" go against it
Regions section is somewhat list-y too, if it were to pass the GA criteria I would strongly recommend either cutting it or converting it into prose
"Downstate New York (New York City, Long Island, and the southern portion of the Hudson Valley) can be considered to form the central core of the Northeast megalopolis, an urbanized region stretching from New Hampshire to Virginia" - ??? Some more WP:OVERLINK in here too
The last paragraphs in the Racial and ancestral makeup section are unreferenced
The second half of the Economy sections require citations too
"Apples are also grown in the Hudson Valley and near Lake Champlain" - apples being grown in the state are mentioned in the previous sentence
Government and Sports sections entirely unreferenced

References

Ref 15, ref 14, ref 78, ref 79, ref 82, ref 125, ref 121, ref 118, ref 119, ref 35 and ref 64 are all dead. The majority of these are census information, which seems to be important for the article thus I would recommend replacing most of these, if not deleting some
Ref 110 redirects
Ref 55 and 67 are not formatted correctly

On hold

There are several issues that stand in the way of this meeting the GA criteria, but it enough work were put in (say some members of WP:NY might be interested) then it might stand a chance. To summarise there are a few unreferenced sections that need citations and there are a dozen dead links that need to be replaced or fixed. The WayBack machine might help for more of the important ones. Finally, the lead could do with some work if you plan to take this FAC, but for now I'll let it go and would suggest to focus on the body first. Overall the article is well written and comprehesive, so good luck! I'll leave this on hold for the standard seven days but let me know if you need more time ☩JAGUAR ☩ 17:45, 29 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Close - not listed

I'm sorry to do this but nothing has been acknowledged nor have I received any reply at the New York WikiProject, so I'm afraid I'll close this GAN. It would have required a lot of work anyway, so best of luck when somebody picks this up. I'm always available for another review when ready JAGUAR 18:53, 6 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]