Talk:Premier Health Miami Valley Hospital South/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Cwmhiraeth (talk · contribs) 19:28, 20 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I propose to take on this review and will be looking in detail at the article shortly. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 19:28, 20 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

First reading

In the infobox, it would be better to have a properly formatted reference for the hospital's website as in this article
- Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"... a full service hospital with a physician office building ..." - I'm from the UK and am ignorant of US hospitals. What is a "physician office building"?
- Reworded. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"... features a number of specialty care options including an oncology center, cardiology, sports medicine, and maternity care to cater to the suburban community surrounding the hospital." - If you say "oncology center" you need to use a similar structure for the other care options (department, facility, center or whatever).
- Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
The first sentence in the History section is too long and needs to be split up.
- Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
The first sentence in the second paragraph of the History section is also too long.
- Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"... consumer demand for care in a single facility and without transferring to other hospitals." - Maybe "... without the need to transfer to other hospitals."
- Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
The sentence starting "In late 2010, to add..." does not have a verb.
- Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"A $20,000,000 comprehensive cancer care center was also added along with a physician office building was added as well." and this sentence has too many!
- Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"It saw admittance to its emergency room ..." - To what does "It" refer here?
- Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
The word "facility" is overused in the last paragraph of the History section.
- Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'll stop there for now and will look at the rest of the article tomorrow. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 20:01, 20 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

The first paragraph of the Services section uses the word "services" too often, three times in the first sentence for example. Can you replace some of them?
- Fixed. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
It is also rather jargon-laden. What does "a full-service food facility" mean?
- Reworked. —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"When it opened, Miami Valley Hospital specialty services for ovarian cancer and uterine cancer were moved to Miami Valley Hospital South." - this is somewhat ambiguous,and "it" could be taken to refer to Miami Valley Hospital rather than the new hospital. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 17:55, 21 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Fixed. I think that's everything. Thanks for your review! —Ed!^(talk) 12:25, 22 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - That reads better! It would be nice to have an image of the hospital. Can you find anything? Cwmhiraeth (talk) 12:54, 22 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    - Nothing with copyright requirements that could get it to upload, but the next time I'm near the hospital I plan to snap a photo. —Ed!^(talk) 13:08, 22 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
      - Would you prefer me to bring this review to a conclusion in this WikiCup round or the next? Cwmhiraeth (talk) 13:34, 22 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
        This one is fine. Appreciate you asking, though. —Ed!^(talk) 14:39, 22 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

GA Criteria

1a The article is well written.
1b The article conforms with the MOS guidelines for layout, lead, section headings etc.
2a&b The article is well referenced and has inline citations for all contentious statements.
2c There is no original research as far as I can see.
3a&b The coverage is broad enough and the article does not include irrelevant material.
4 The article is neutral.
5 The article has been much expanded in the last week by the nominator and nobody else has edited it recently.
6 & 7 There are no images at the moment. The nominator hopes to add one soon but article is acceptable without any.

Overall assessment - Pass.