Talk:Louisa Cadamuro/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Resolute (talk · contribs) 00:28, 2 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

"She developed an interest into the sport of football at a young age. Prior to playing the sport of football, Nécib trained in gymnastics." - "sport of football" being used twice in close succession is awkward. I would also think "the sport of" is redundant, since the reader already knows football is a sport. Perhaps "She developed an interest in football at a young age, prior to which she trained in gymnastics"?

Mostly a nitpick, but the same word is often re-used in close succession, often redundantly. e.g.:
- "Nécib began her career as a youth player for her hometown club Union Sportive de Marseille.[8] After spending two years at the club, she signed on with nearby ~~club~~ Celtic de Marseille. Nécib spent six months developing in the(ir) ~~club's~~ academy..."

- "The initiative to allow women to train at the famous national center came about in the 1990s due to the fact that ~~center~~ (it) had quickly become a high-level training facility for male football players."

There are likely more examples. Not major, but I find it does interrupt the flow.

I'll look over the article for more examples. — JS^{Rant Away} 01:02, 2 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Probably unrelated to this GAN and won't affect a pass/fail, but I dislike things like "the women's team of professional men's club Toulouse" for two reasons: First, it is already obvious she is playing women's teams. I presume the phrasing is being used because the article links to the men's team article, which brings my second complaint: the link to the men's team article is pretty much irrelevant. I think I would rather see a redlink to something like Toulouse FC (Ladies) or some such. The women's sides are notable in their own right, and I think deserve articles if they don't already exist.

Done. I'll create the Toulouse Ladies article when I get the oppurtunity. — JS^{Rant Away} 01:02, 2 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"...she scored two sets of braces in wins over..." - I have no idea what a brace is. Is there an article that potentially unfamiliar terminology like this can be linked to? I am familiar with the "hat trick", used at the end of the Lyon section, but again, it should be linked for readers not aware of the meaning.

Done. Rephrased wording. — JS^{Rant Away} 01:02, 2 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"...she scored her first goal for Lyon converting a penalty kick in a 2–0 win against Paris Saint-Germain." - Why is this linked to the men's team instead of Paris Saint-Germain F.C. (Ladies)?

This article is almost excessively detailed, but aside from a few nitpicks above, I found it fairly easy to read. The article is certainly comprehensive and focused. While I would like to see the comments above addressed, I find they are not enough for me to delay promotion. As such, I am passing the article. Regards, Reso lute 00:28, 2 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the review. — JS^{Rant Away} 01:02, 2 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]