Talk:Go, Stewie, Go!/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Lampman (talk) 23:18, 12 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

There are a few issues with language, layout etc. that need to be addressed:

"terror attack in Times Square" - the details of the audition are not important, only that he gets the role.
- Done. Gage (talk) 05:40, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
"As they continue shooting over the next few days, the two continue a friendly relationship together, however, and eventually decide to hold a sleepover, where the two become even closer, deciding to snuggle in the same bed." this sentence is too long and convoluted; it need to be rewritten.
- Done. Gage (talk) 05:40, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
"The next day, Julie professes her love for Karina, wishing that she was actually a boy, causing Stewie, still dressed as Karina, to come on to her." the same is the case here; this sentence contains 6 clauses.
- Done. Gage (talk) 05:40, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
"Eventually causing her to become extremely self-conscious, Lois becomes more aware of her lust for a much younger man." gramatically incorrect; the subject seems to be carried over from the last sentence.
- Done. Gage (talk) 05:40, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
"trying to steal her only chance" either "steal her boyfriend" or "ruin her chance"
- Done. Gage (talk) 05:40, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
"Unsure as to why he continues to do so" who's the supposed subject here?
- Done. Gage (talk) 05:40, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
"Lois falling back in love with him" reading a bit much into it, suffice to say she forgives him.
- Done. Gage (talk) 05:40, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
"In his first episode..." - "his" is unclear here, and generally the sentence is too long with too much packed into it. Needs a rewrite.
- Done. Gage (talk) 05:47, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
"...received high praise from critics" this needs ref(s).
- Done. Gage (talk) 05:47, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
A cameo by a main cast member? This makes no sense the way it stands, the sentence needs to be rewritten.
- Done. Gage (talk) 05:47, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The last paragraph only lists the cast without giving any context or further details. It seems to violate Wikipedia:DIRECTORY.
- I've added further details, is that any better? Gage (talk) 05:53, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
"Cultural references" - this section is too choppy, with too many short paragraphs. See Wikipedia:Layout#Body_sections. Again, though, it worries me that it's essentially just a list in prose form; nothing is done to explain how the various cultural references fit into the plot. If at all possible, there should be comments from producers/directors, critics etc. about the role of these elements in the episode.
- I've expanded the section somewhat. I was not able to locate any comments from producers/directors at this time. Gage (talk) 06:04, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
"calling the storyline a..." the quote that follows is not sourced or the reviewer named. Direct qutes should always be cited.
- Done. Gage (talk) 05:53, 14 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

This is only a preliminary review; I might have to go through the article again after these issues have been addressed. Please let me know if there are any questions, or when the rewrite has been done. Lampman (talk) 14:37, 13 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

There were still some issues with the language, but I tried to give the article a copy-edit. I realise the limitations for an editor on an article like this, especially in the absence of a DVD commentary. For the moment I suppose this is the best that can be done, so I will promote the article in spite of its obvious flaws. This hsould be addressed once the DVDs are out. Lampman (talk) 09:15, 17 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]