Talk:Emil Fischer (American football executive)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 20:34, 4 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

"Emil Fischer was born on August 15, 1887 in Plymouth, Wisconsin[1] and moved to Green Bay, Wisconsin in 1908.[2]" commas after 1887, Wisconsin and Wisconsin.

I agree with the first one, disagree with the last two. A comma isn't need when connecting two clauses with "and". And the last one just doesn't sound right. No natural pause when I speak it out loud. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 14:54, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Well Wisconsin is a disambiguator, so I disagree with your disagreement. The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 14:59, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

You win. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 18:33, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I always win.... Srsly, all good and thanks for the link, I can never remember that. The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 19:14, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

"He got his start in" was this because someone let him get his start or could it be "He started in..."?

Changed to "He started in" « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 14:54, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

"travelling " in USEng, isn't that "traveling"?

Done. I was trying to pander to the redcoats... « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 14:54, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

"around the country trying to get large cheese companies to open up plants in the city" reads odd to me "the city" when one is travelling around the country...

Reworded. Let me know if that makes it any better. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 14:54, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

"began establishing himself as a successful businessman in Green Bay in the 1920s" could just tighten that to "established himself"

Done. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 14:54, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

" supporter of the team " this in a new section probably needs clarification, just " supporter of the Green Bay Packers" would be fine.

Changed "team" to "Packers". « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 14:54, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

" in 1926[6] and to the executive committee in 1935.[4] " I don't think it would do any harm to move [6] to the end of the sentence, it's aesthetically jarring where it's currently placed.

Done. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 14:54, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Be consistent with relinking, e.g. you relink Green Bay Packers Inc., but not NFL.

Done. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 14:54, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

" the Packers training facility " shouldn't that be " the Packers' training facility "?

Done. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 14:54, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

" the Packers articles of incorporation" similarly.

Done. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 14:54, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

" died on January 2, 1958 at" comma after 1958.

Done. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 14:54, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

All trivial stuff really, so I'll put it on hold pending discussions. The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 09:50, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review The Rambling Man, all fixed or responded to. Hope you enjoyed The Ashes! « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 14:54, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I'll take one final pass later and let you know (or just tweak the sub-trivial things I find). The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 19:14, 5 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Looks good, literally, so I'll promoted. Nice work. The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 09:34, 6 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks The Rambling Man, appreciate the review. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 16:15, 6 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

You're welcome. Happy to take any other requests, depending on my workload. The Rambling Man (REJOICE!) 16:43, 6 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]