Talk:David Larson (swimmer)/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 07:06, 6 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Avoid the use of flags for pure decorative purposes, such as in the infobox, per MOS:ICON.

Not done MOS:ICON specifically permits the use of national flag icons for members of national sports teams and other athletes in international competition. Per the instructions for Template:Infobox swimmer, a single national flag icon is used in the "national team" infobox parameter for swimmers who were members of their national team in the Olympics, FINA world championships, Pan American Games, Pan Pacific championships, etc. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 15:51, 6 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The lead is a little brief. I know the article isn't the largest, but there should be something in the lead covering each of the sections.

Done See comment immediately below. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 15:51, 6 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The lead is a little nebulous, it alludes to an event in which he set records and won golds but isn't specific, is there a reason for this?

Done I usually try not to overwhelm the lead with details that are best presented in the main body text. Here I failed to include sufficient detail to explain his notability. At your suggestion, I have expanded the lead. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 15:51, 6 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Done Tweaked for precision. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 15:51, 6 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"He started swimming as an age-group swimmer " forgive me, but what is an "age-group" swimmer?

An "age-group swimmer" is swimming jargon for a junior competitor who competes within his peer/age group, i.e., most 10- and 11-year-olds only compete against other 10- and 11-year-olds in age-group events. Elite swimmers compete in "open" events against the top swimmers of all ages. Do you not think the meaning of the term is self-evident? If not, I will be happy to add an explanatory footnote. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 15:51, 6 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I guess it may be a more common term in the US than in the UK, I'm not too worried about it. The Rambling Man (talk) 10:59, 7 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

You say he started in "1963-64", presumably he started in just one of those years?

Done This was from one of the sourcs, and I believe that it refers to the 1963–64 school year and/or swimming season. I have simplified to "1963". Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 15:51, 6 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

" relay to claim the NCAA championship in the relay" repetitive use of "relay" here.

"U.S. President Jimmy Carter organized the boycott of the 1980 Summer Olympics to be held in Moscow in response to the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan" I find this a little too detailed, he couldn't compete because the US boycotted the games, the president, the reasons why etc don't really belong here.

Done Trimmed detail in line with your suggestion; if readers want to know more about the boycott, they can follow the link. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 15:51, 6 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Yeah, he was burned out after a decade of daily training, and a little bitter about the 1980 Olympic boycott, which really hurt a number of the top American swimmers. I will review the sources and see if I can't find something appropriate on point. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 15:51, 6 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@The Rambling Man: A search of Newspapers.com and Google News Archive turned up nothing new. I re-read the footnoted newspaper articles, and The New York Times article in August 1984 quoted him as saying that he quit in 1981 because he was tired of swimming. I tweaked the text accordingly. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 22:56, 7 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I've de-linked the second mention of Rowdy Gaines. The first linked mention of Gaines occurs in a different section, two paragraphs above the Olympics section -- do you think "Gaines" is sufficiently clear by itself in the Olympics section? Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 15:51, 6 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Done De-linked and shortened Hayes and Saeger's names on the second and third uses. The first linked use of their names is one paragraph above the second and third uses, and it seems sufficiently clear to whom the text is referring. Dirtlawyer1 (talk)

That's it for now, I'll put the article on hold for a few days to see how much progress can be made. The Rambling Man (talk) 08:20, 6 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@The Rambling Man: Thanks for jumping on this GA review, TRM. I think we can resolve the issues raised above in short order. Please note that I have a couple follow-up questions for you above. Thanks. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 15:51, 6 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Okeydokey, looks good, so promoting. Nice working with you. The Rambling Man (talk) 04:43, 8 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
@The Rambling Man: Thank you for your input, sir. That was quick and painless. Hope to work with you again the future. Dirtlawyer1 (talk) 05:05, 8 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]