Talk:Crisis (metal band)/GA1

GA Review

Passed. Ca ^{talk to me!} 13:45, 7 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Nominator: Chchcheckit (talk · contribs) 13:47, 8 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Ca (talk · contribs) 14:23, 1 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

ty!!!!! Chchcheckit (talk) 15:03, 1 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I will be reviewing this.

Prose

Lead

...experimenting with a more accessible version of its sound under the alias Skullsick Nation. I am not sure what "accessible version of its sound" means here. Does it mean it became less avant-garde?
- None of them say they became less avant-garde, only more accesible or at least simplified. To quote the sources I cited on this (in musical style section):

1. Metroland (2004): "a more accessible yet bizarrely hypnotic incarnation [of Crisis]"

2. Metal Maniacs (2004, p. 50): "the band [Crisis] via Skullsick Nation had enjoyed a more simple and perhaps accessible vibe to their songwriting as opposed to the heavily abrasive and archaic songs that Crisis were known for from their first three albums"

3. Karyn (2005) described SN as an "experiment [...] with more simplified song structures that weren't as challenging as your normal CRISIS fare"

...So yeah. // Chchcheckit (talk) 11:49, 3 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I guess there is not much one can do if the sources itself are vague. Ca ^{talk to me!} 12:07, 3 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

definitely doesn't help when there's barely any recordings of the SN songs (there's like 2 videos) // Chchcheckit (talk) 12:21, 3 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Formation and 8 Convulsions (1993–1994)

Nasiruddeen also sought to strip down the sound from his previous band Stalwart, which he found "impossible to make [into] a working band", and "turn it into a rock ‘n' roll format band but still use experimentation". Understandable, but reads badly.
- I had problems writing this. From what I could find, Nasiruddeen was in a band with Waring; I believe this was Stalwart but couldn't find a source that directly stated this so.. yeah. Would this be better off removed, because it's kinda jank. // Chchcheckit (talk) 11:49, 3 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]
  - update: I removed it yesterday. // Chchcheckit (talk) 23:52, 4 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]
"I asked them to play it real fast. I just jumped around the rehearsal space that first time and we realized that we all connected" Stray quote; needs wording like "Foo said".
- redone and attributed: sorry. // Chchcheckit (talk) 11:49, 3 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Deathshead Extermination and The Hollowing (1995–1997)

According to Nasiruddeen, the band wanted to "achieve a very organic yet abrasive sound" and experiment with greater dynamics on the album. Clarify what "experiment with greater dynamics" means here.
- Just re-read Scene Entertainment Weekly and Chronicles of Chaos (1996): according to Nasiruddeen, the dynamics appear to be the result of the band jamming on material instead of it being pre-prepared, which he attributes to Kartn. redone. // Chchcheckit (talk) 11:49, 3 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Its writing process saw Crisis produce material from jams and rehearsals with Karyn's involvement Ambiguous; Does this mean Crisis was inspired by rehearsals with Karyn or Karyn and Crisis co-wrote it?
- See above. // Chchcheckit (talk) 11:49, 3 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The band played a few shows with Roy Mayorga, who was unable to commit to the tour, after which they enlisted Scott Bates of Gorgon. Does this mean Mayorga played few shows in the tour or played few shows outside the tour?
- checked: before the tour. clarified. // Chchcheckit (talk) 12:21, 3 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]
The band then toured Europe with Spudmonsters and Kickback Clarify who/what "Kickback" and :Spudmonsters" are.
- they're bands; i thought it was pretty self-explanatory as it is written that they have toured with them. also no, they don't have a page on en wiki. i added an interlanguage link for spudmonsters, could not find anything for "kickback"

Transitional period and Skullsick Nation (1998–2002)

find stronger label support to push the band to the next level Sounds informal

..and whew! That's it. Overall, this article is understandable, and the prose is engaging. However, I think this article overuses quotes; they are present in almost every other sentence. I believe they give the prose a choppy and newspaper-like quality. I recommend removing minor, redundant, or easily-paraphrasable quotes.

@User:Ca If you have anything specific things to highlight with prose, please do. I know I am a messy writer and copyeditor so any comment is beneficial. I've also copyedited more stuff so comment on that if you want to i guess. // Chchcheckit (talk) 12:21, 3 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for fixing the prose. To add on, stuff like Florian "busted his appendix" could be paraphrased to just "Florian had an appendicitis". Ca ^{talk to me!} 12:44, 3 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Ca redone that, and the early part. Chchcheckit (talk) 13:43, 3 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Ca Yo, I've fixed everything that's been pointed out; is there anything else to address? // Chchcheckit (talk) 11:43, 6 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I apologize for the delay. I will do some spotchecks soon and (probably) will pass the article. :D Ca ^{talk to me!} 12:00, 6 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Ca Okay I've addressed the spotchecks // Chchcheckit (talk) 13:16, 7 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

ALright I'll be passing the article. Ca ^{talk to me!} 13:45, 7 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Spotchecks

I recommend adding a timestamp to the The Creators in Vietnam source it is nearly an hour long.
- see below. // Chchcheckit (talk) 11:18, 4 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]
a.k.a. Afzaal Deen ✓ Pass
Crisis was formed in New York City by guitarist Afzaal Nasiruddeen (a.k.a. Afzaal Deen[1]) and drummer Fred Waring III, who discussed forming "a really heavy band with a female singer". However, I would paraphrase that quote since it gives the impression that it was the exact words said when they founded the band. ✓ Pass
- paraphrased/fixed? // Chchcheckit (talk) 13:14, 7 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Karyn Crisis, an experimental musician who had recently moved from Chicago to New York City ✓ Pass
was connected to Nasiruddeen through her roommate. The source doesn't seem to name Nasiruddeen anywhere? It states "In the early ’90s, I was renting a room from a NYC photographer, and I was making music on my 4-track in my room. Occasionally I’d ask to borrow his knives to use as instruments. He then introduced me to someone in Crisis when they were looking for a female singer, and they asked me to audition. The rest is history."
- fixed: "mutual friend" via AMP 2004 // Chchcheckit (talk) 13:14, 7 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]
After playing tapes of their music to each other, Nasiruddeen asked Karyn to audition and gave her a rehearsal tape featuring the song "Drilling Me", after which she wrote lyrics for the song and developed her vocal style. This source doesn't seem to name Nasiruddeen anywhere as well. In the interview Karyn says "They gave me a practice tape that I played when I got home at, like, one in the morning. "
- oh. fixed? // Chchcheckit (talk) 13:14, 7 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Although Nasiruddeen had made many connections in the New York scene from his work at CBGB and with his previous band Stalwart, Crisis initially struggled to book shows due to the band's then-anomalous status as a metal band featuring a woman ✓ Pass
After touring in support of 8 Convulsions for a year and a half, Crisis began working on material for its second album, Deathshead Extermination. ✓ Pass
however, the band would dismiss him after only three rehearsals in mid-February due to immigration issues and "the chaos of his personality". Two weeks after his dismissal, Ball was arrested in connection with an armed robbery in Pennsylvania ✓ Pass, but can you find a stronger source for this (presumably) BLP claim? The sources mention some sort of "news report" and one even links to one, though it appears to be dead. Try searching on archival websites.
- tried looking on newspapers.com; found it + cited. Tarone, L.A. (March 1, 2005). "Legal 'Crisis'". Standard-Speaker. Pennyslvania. p. 5 – via newspapers.com. // Chchcheckit (talk) 13:14, 7 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Additional Comments

Images appropriately licensed. Fair use is valid since the band disbanded.
- in case anyone asks: I chose the 1996 promo because, technically, this was the longest stable lineup of crisis and because waring plays on 3 out of 4 albums. so yeah // Chchcheckit (talk) 12:31, 3 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]
On a quick skim, no sources jump out for being unreliable. Stuff like blogs and podcasts are only used for Interviews.

@User:Ca removed ace of sabres/podcast; i heard like one mention but couldn't find all the relevant stuff and from my attempts to search for this band, it fails WP:NOTE. anything else that needs to be done?

The article does not meander and is to-the-point. The article is very well-researched, wither over 100 sources.

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.