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Talk:Raid of Nassau/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Binksternet (talk) 14:50, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for criteria)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
Review
  • Point out that USS Nassau (LHA-4) is a ship intended for amphibious assault.
  • Don't leave the reader wondering what kind of ship was the other USS Nassau.
  • What poor conditions? "...he had intelligence that much of the British fleet was in port due to the poor conditions."
  • Spell out Gideon Lowe's rank: 'Captain' vs. 'Capt.'
  • The Cabot was commanded by John Hopkins, Esek Hopkins' son. John was severely injured in the lopsided fight with HMS Glasgow, and the ship's navigator was killed. The phrase "killing or wounding her captain and ten others" made me wonder whether the captain was killed. Clarify captain vs crew. Another account says captain injured, ship's master killed, three Marines killed, seven more men injured.
  • Commodore Hopkins was to have taken action against Lord Dunsmore's Virginia flotilla after which he was to raid for powder. John Paul Jones was in Hopkins' squadron as chief gunner aboard Alfred. Jones performed well during the voyage and was made captain after the squadron returned home. Jones could be quoted regarding Hopkins initial failure to act against Lord Dunsmore: "Mr. Hopkins displayed neither zeal nor talents upon this occasion..." American military biography (1825), pp. 137–138. Also: "Niles' Weekly Register Articles Relating to John Paul Jones", US Navy.
  • "While the main fleet held back, the three ships carrying the landing force were to enter the port at daybreak on March 3, and gain control of the town before the alarm could be raised." Yes, true, but the author of Your Navy (1946) noted sourly that Hopkins could have sailed in at night to great effect. Your Navy, Chapter Two. NAVPERS 10600, US Govt Printing Office.
  • One of the after-effects of the battle was the Congressional censure of Hopkins in August 1776. See the footnotes at the bottoms of pages 15 and 16 of The Writings of George Washington: 1776. Another was his eventual dismissal in 1778.
  • I don't know if you'll judge this bit important enough for inclusion, but future Pittsburgh mayor Isaac Craig was aboard the Andrea Doria as first lieutenant, commander of that ship's Marines. This account says Craig's inventory of seized munitions was minutely detailed. Ireland-born Craig, founder of Pittsburgh's first glassworks, was made captain following the squadron's return.

Okay! Let us dig in. Binksternet (talk) 16:42, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your detailed feedback. It will probably take me a few days to deal with these issues. Magic♪piano 17:49, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
You have lots of time; my only wish is to finish by the end of April. Binksternet (talk) 20:04, 7 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Well, that went a bit faster than I expected. I think I've addressed your issues; let me know if not. I omitted the Craig story; I think if he had behaved notably enough to be mentioned (beyond making an inventory), his future activities would be worth going into in the aftermath. Magic♪piano 18:05, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Yeah, Craig is notable enough to eventually be given his own Wikipedia article (as is pretty much any mayor of a major city), but this appearance of his is workmanlike, not shining. Binksternet (talk) 18:21, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, congrats, the article is now GA-class. Good work! Binksternet (talk) 18:46, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks! Magic♪piano 19:27, 8 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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