Talk:Asia Bibi blasphemy case/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Ugog Nizdast (talk · contribs) 14:52, 2 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Nominator: 1ST7 at 22:42, 28 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I will be reviewing this article and expect it to be ready in a few days. Sincerely, Ugog Nizdast (talk) 14:52, 2 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much for taking the time to review this! --1ST7 (talk) 02:46, 3 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Sorry for the delay. Overall it looks good but there are still some areas needing improvement. See my comments below. -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 18:57, 6 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose is "clear and concise", without copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors:
~~Few areas~~

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
~~2 minor instances + Lead section~~
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. Has an appropriate reference section:

B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary:
~~4 statements~~

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
~~Few areas~~
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:

B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:
On hold: Waiting for the issues to be addressed. -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 15:49, 8 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Everything done, the article passes. -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 17:37, 14 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Suggestions

(1A, 3B):--(see above) Under "Early life", the quotation about the village can be removed as it seems unnecessary and out-of-place; then you'll have maybe a single sentence about the village. The opinion that "Christians in the district, and elsewhere in Pakistan, usually have lower class occupations" which is attributed to Walsh, can be paraphrased more and written like a fact since many sources support this. (just a suggestion and not within this GA review). Done --1ST7 (talk) 03:21, 8 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Also, this whole section may be trimmed and I propose the article be rearranged like this:- "Background and arrest", "Prosecution and imprisonment", "Local reactions" (+subsection "Assassinations of Taseer and Bhatti"), "International response" (+subsection "Memoirs"). But these both depend to some extent about what you think about moving this article page.

Done --1ST7 (talk) 03:21, 8 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"Arrest and imprisonment"
- (1): First para- " Some of her Muslim fellow workers also became angry when they saw that she had drank from the well and the cup, which they claimed as their own, as they considered Christians to be "unclean"." can be merged with the previous sentence and shortened into something like "and some of the other workers considered her to be unclean because she was a Christian". Remove " Apparently some arguments ensued.", as it is a word-to-watch and the sentence does not add any more meaning there. (again a suggestion: add a link to Falsa in this para) Done --1ST7 (talk) 03:21, 8 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
- (2B): Second para- Consider splitting this para in half (again, a suggestion) and replace "expressed her belief that"->"said that". The following two statements are sourced to potentially biased sources and are WP:REDFLAG issues: "However, because the country's...she had difficulty defending herself in court" and "Zardari later decided against granting a pardon after a number of "massive" demonstrations..."(why the quotation marks for massive and best just say that Zardari didn't grant a pardon...keep it to the minimum) Also what is the relevance of the long quotation in the right, it is not present in the given inline citation, better remove or replace it. UPDATE: I found and replaced it with the correct link to Catholic Herald, but the relevance of this long quote still needs to be established. -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 16:41, 8 January 2014 (UTC) Fixed Added another source for the statement about a non-Muslim's testimony carrying half the weight of a Muslim's, reworded the part about Zardari, and incorporated the quote into the rest of the section. --1ST7 (talk) 07:04, 14 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
- (2B, 3B): Third- Last two statements both use "it was reported" and are again referenced to potentially biased sources. The last quotation does not belong there, it's from her memoirs if I'm not mistaken. Fixed Added two more references to support the statements and removed the quote. --1ST7 (talk) 05:46, 9 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
(1) "Local reactions"- "Her family was offered asylum by France...her family asylum in the event of her release" is redundant and can be merged into a single statement. "the village mosque in Ittan Wali...should she be pardoned or released"—Join these two statements since they both are just his own opinion and can have that preceding inline citation. Done --1ST7 (talk) 05:21, 9 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
- These two statements written immediately after each other are a bit confusing, "The next day, thousands turned up for governor his funeral in Lahore in spite of warnings by the Taliban and some clerics. Thousands of Sunni Muslims also rallied in support of the blasphemy laws in Pakistan after the murder, and 500 Barelvi clerics prohibited their followers from sending condolences to the family of Taseer." They are contradictory and for the sake of flow, add the third statement ("...seemed to praise Qadri as a hero,...", remove seemed to) in-between them. Done --1ST7 (talk) 19:19, 11 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
(3B): Under "Memoirs", the last quotation about her "imploring the reader" can be done away just like the above one. -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 18:57, 6 January 2014 (UTC) Done --1ST7 (talk) 05:07, 9 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Some more...

(3B): Now since that this article needs to focus just on the event, these two personal details about her can be removed: "regularly attended the nearby Church of St. Teresa" and this entire sentence "Fearing discrimination...contained "only a small Bible hidden under the mattress". Both seem a bit trivial and the last one comes from one source which is biased. Done --1ST7 (talk) 19:22, 11 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
(1B): The lead section does not cover the entire article entirely. Perhaps two or three sentences more would make it seem more complete. Some recommendations: elaborate that the argument was over a cup of water, family going into hiding and worrying she'll be killed if released, more on the support/opposition and protests and mention about Pope Benedict; It depends on what you feel is more important. Done --1ST7 (talk) 06:58, 14 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"The verdict, which would need to be upheld by a superior court...", I don't think offers the complete view. Maybe you could elaborate? The local court sentenced her, the higher court is yet to reach a verdict on this and no presidential pardon...Am I right or does this need an update? -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 15:49, 8 January 2014 (UTC)

Done --1ST7 (talk) 06:59, 14 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

That, I think, covers most of it, I might give some more minor suggestions which are not really within this review and make a few tiny edits myself. I'll place it on hold for a week once you tell me what you think about renaming this article (as that is also beyond the scope of this GA review), tell me if you have any time-related issues. Sincerely, Ugog Nizdast (talk) 18:57, 6 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review; I'll start trying to fix the issues you described above. As for changing the name of the article, I'm not opposed to it, as most information on the subject is related to the blasphemy case. --1ST7 (talk) 02:42, 8 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Most welcome. Once these have been answered, I'll be happy to pass it. Tell me If you have any query or problem with any of these suggestions. Besides this, here are a few extra minor issues/suggestions I've found which you may want to consider.

Maybe a good caption for Taseer's image? "His son was kidnapped"...is there any update on this, as the statement ends abruptly. Done --1ST7 (talk) 19:30, 11 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
One of the references mentions how these cases take usually long, remain pending and no one has been actually executed so far. There was even a quote from the Pakistan Human rights watch about this, I think. Maybe a good addition? -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 15:49, 8 January 2014 (UTC) Done --1ST7 (talk) 07:23, 14 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, I think everything's covered. --1ST7 (talk) 07:23, 14 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Congratulations. The article passes...Good work! Ugog Nizdast (talk) 17:37, 14 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks again for the review! --1ST7 (talk) 00:29, 15 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]