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Talk:Aama (1964 film)/GA1

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GA Review

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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 15:20, 18 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

  • " directed by Hira Singh Khatri in his directorial debut" repetitive use of "direct".
 Done
  • Opening sentence is too long, consider splitting.
 Done
  • "Mahendra of Nepal" overlinked in the lead.
 Done
  • "Hira Singh Khatri " same. In fact, that sentence is a little odd, and could probably be reworded and covered in the previous para.
 Done
  • "Aama was regarded by many..." was or is?
 Done
  • The lead seems interspersed with factoids, perhaps we could work on the flow a little.
 Done
  • "A few days later,"... later than when?
 Done
  • "and he cannot find his mother" -> "but cannot find his mother"
 Done
  • "His neighbour tells Man his mother has died. After hearing of his mother's death,..." somewhat unnecessarily verbose.
 Done
  • " A man says he will remain in Nepal to help his country's growing economy." A man? Did you mean "Man"?
 Done
  • "Basundhara Bhushal" is linked (albeit red) in the cast section but not in the infobox.
 Done
  • "Mahendra of Nepal requested prominent film director Hira Singh Khatri, " you relink Mahendra, but not Khatri, be consistent one way or the other.
 Done
  • "Bhubhan Chand.[3]Shiva Shankar" space after ref.
 Done
  • " actor Bhubhan Chand remembered" overlinked.
 Done
  • " in this film." -> "in Aama."
 Done
  • "Post-production were completed" was.
 Done
  • "camera man’s " is the space really there? Compare "was cameramen Dev"...
 Done
  • " Mahendra of Nepal admired the film and praised the actors. " admired the film? Could you be clearer, did he make a statement to say that he found the film to his liking?
 Done
I'm not seeing this any differently? The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 16:03, 19 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
I've removed the sentence because the source only said Mahendra praised the film "for their efforts". ___CAPTAIN MEDUSAtalk 16:51, 19 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "was met success" -> "met with success".
 Done
  • " storm".[1]After the success of the film directo" space after ref.
 Done
  • "After the success of the film director" needs a comma after film.
 Done
  • "The film became an important film in history of Nepalese cinema.[9]The" space after ref, and why did the film become important? And avoid repeating "film".
 Done
Can you tell me why it was important? The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 16:03, 19 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
I merge this sentence. The film became important because it was the first Nepali film to be produced in Nepal.___CAPTAIN MEDUSAtalk 16:52, 19 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " men in daura suruwal and dhaka topi and women draped in saree and cholo fariya" any links for those technical terms?
 Done
  • Replace spaced hyphens with spaced en-dash (e.g. ref 9 title).
 Done

A few things to address on this quick run through, so I'll put the article on hold. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 09:25, 19 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

The Rambling Man, Thank you so much the review. I've fixed the comment left by you. Is there anything you want me to do with the article let me know. Thanks. ___CAPTAIN MEDUSAtalk 12:33, 19 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
A couple of questions above. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 16:03, 19 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
The Rambling Man, I've answered those questions. ___CAPTAIN MEDUSAtalk 16:54, 19 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
@The Rambling Man:, I have tweaked the article.___CAPTAIN MEDUSAtalk 10:31, 21 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Aama is regarded by many as the most important film in the history of Nepalese cinema." I'm not seeing this expanded upon and referenced in the main article. Several critics are quoted, but not seeing "many" regarding it as "the most important film in the history of Nepalese cinema".... The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 07:29, 22 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
 Done @The Rambling Man:___CAPTAIN MEDUSAtalk 11:18, 22 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
I'm still not seeing "most important..." in the article other than in the lead. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 11:40, 22 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]
The Rambling Man, I've added the sentence in the main body of the article. ___CAPTAIN MEDUSAtalk 12:11, 22 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

It's a weak pass for me, it seems to meet to GAN criteria, but it's just brief and every time I read it I need to correct some English. I'd suggest any further nominations get some kind of peer review, even for GAN. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 21:05, 22 August 2019 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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