Talk:2016 Russian Grand Prix/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Disc Wheel (talk · contribs) 05:09, 28 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Gonna take another stab at these Grand Prix articles. Disc Wheel (T + C) 05:09, 28 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Comments

"The race was the fourth round of the 2016 season and marked the fifth running of the Russian Grand Prix, the third time as a round of the Formula One World Championship since the series inception in 1950 and was the first Grand Prix to be held on the 1st of May since the 1994 San Marino Grand Prix" - Most of this information I could not find in the body of the article, particularly the part about the 1950 stuff and 1994 San Marino thing. All this information from this sentence should be placed in the background section somewhere and sourced appropriately.

Done Sourced the first two in the background section, removed the date trivia, quite unncessary...

"Red Bull Racing used the first practice session to test the "aeroscreen", a form of cockpit protection developed in response to fatal accidents—including Jules Bianchi, Justin Wilson and Henry Surtees—where drivers were struck on the head by flying debris" I would suggest something like "Red Bull Racing used the first practice session to test the "aeroscreen", a form of cockpit protection developed in response to fatal accidents of the drivers Jules Bianchi, Justin Wilson and Henry Surtees, who were struck on the head by flying debris."

Done

"The device was fitted to Daniel Ricciardo's car and he completed a single installation lap to assess it before it was removed for the remainder of the session.[5]" - were there any comments from the driver or Red Bull racing about its performance in the first practice session?

Done

"Tyre supplier Pirelli brought the medium, soft and supersoft tyres to the race, continuing the trend established in the Australian, Bahrain and Chinese Grands Prix.[6]" - Don't really know much about formula one, does pirelli do everyone's tires? If so, then its fine as is, otherwise I would mention the other tires that other companies used.

Done

"Two drivers made an appearance during the first free practice session." - Don't really know what you mean by this, as you describe other riders driving the course before this

Done

"Daniel Ricciardo also progressed, albeit suffering a failure of his wing mirror, which hang off the side of his vehicle during his last timed..." --> " Daniel Ricciardo also progressed, albeit suffering a failure of his wing mirror, which hung off the side of his vehicle during his last timed"

Done I keep making that mistake.

"Sebastian Vettel was hit in the rear by Daniil Kvyat there and again going through turn three, and as a consequence crashed into the barrier, retiring on the spot." --> "Sebastian Vettel was hit in the rear by Daniil Kvyat there and during turn three, the latter of which caused him to crash into the barrier and retire from the competition."

Done

"...and in turn lost a position to the recovering Kvyat." --> "and in turn lost a position to Kvyat."

Done

"...with his advantage dropping from more than eleven seconds to a little more than seven seconds by lap 36" --> "with his advantage dropping by close to four second entering lap 36"

I would prefer it the way it is since if I only give the relative amount of the change, the reader does not understand how signifant it is in the overall context.

That's fine with me. Disc Wheel (T + C) 12:52, 2 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"...with his stop saw him stationary for almost a minute, dropping him to the back of the race." --> "with his stop forced him stationary for almost a minute, resulting in him moving into last place on the road."

Done

Maybe use some more pics from the wikimedia commons that came from the race, lie one or two should be sufficient.

I have added one more of the Kremlin photos. Still searching for race photos on Flickr though, no responses yet...

Are these not fair game here, I have no idea if they are properly licensed. Disc Wheel (T + C) 12:52, 2 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Disc Wheel: They are, however, I feel they would add little to the article, don't you think? I have now added a photo of Rosberg in the car at the Bahrain event, and will replace it with another once I got one. Zwerg Nase (talk) 08:08, 3 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Refs are good, I like that you archive them; always a great thing to do to make sure your work stays around for the long haul.
As a whole I would try to go through and minimize the use of the phrase "the race" as it appears 22 times currently - I say this because I got knocked in a current review of an article I submitted by saying it 35 times, so you're better off than me!

Hmm, what else could I use? The event is no good, because when I write the race, I mean the race itself and not the full weekend...

The grand prix, or Monaco Grand Prix in some cases I think would work. Disc Wheel (T + C) 12:52, 2 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Grand Prix" refers to the entire weekend as well. T v x1 18:42, 2 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Disc Wheel and Tvx1: Indeed... reading it, I do not really feel that it is too much. What do you think, Tvx1? Zwerg Nase (talk) 08:04, 3 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I had a read through and replaced some "races" were possible. Especially when the entire weekend was being referred to (e.g. Pirelli's tyre supply). It's up to {{u|Disc Wheel)} to review now. T v x1 12:53, 3 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Tvx1: Thank you! :) Zwerg Nase (talk) 13:20, 3 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Overall not too shabby Zwerg, just some minor fixes and you're on the way to another GA. Disc Wheel (T + C) 05:37, 28 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your review! Please reevaluate :) Zwerg Nase (talk) 11:33, 2 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Good stuff Disc Wheel (T + C) 16:08, 3 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]