Talk:Śāriputra/GA1
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA Review
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Reviewer: Vami IV (talk · contribs) 15:11, 3 April 2020 (UTC)
Opening statement
[edit]In reviews I conduct, I may make small copyedits. These will only be limited to spelling and punctuation (removal of double spaces and such). I will only make substantive edits that change the flow and structure of the prose if I previously suggested and it is necessary. For replying to Reviewer comment, please use 
Done, 
Fixed, 
Added, 
Not done, 
Doing..., or 
Removed, followed by any comment you'd like to make. I will be crossing out my comments as they are redressed, and only mine. A detailed, section-by-section review will follow. —♠Vami_IV†♠ 15:11, 3 April 2020 (UTC)
Reviewer note: The reviewee should note that I have marked "stability" as a "no" in the template. I will overturn this if/when the article passes the other barriers to entry. –♠Vami_IV†♠ 15:11, 3 April 2020 (UTC)
Lead
[edit]After having searched for spiritual truth for a while
A more specific measurement of time would be preferable here.
Fixed The texts don't really specify how long they searched. I have changed it to "After having searched for spiritual truth with other contemporary teachers". Wikiman5676 (talk) 02:52, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
Background
[edit]German Buddhist scholar monk
There's an "and" that needs to be added here.
Done
who declared that his aspiration will come true
Past tense, please.
- Done
Biography
[edit]an end to rebirth
Perfect place to link to Samsara.
In Mūlasarvāstivāda texts
Move this Wikilink to somewhere earlier to the first mention of these texts and traditions. Choose one spelling or the other, also.
one of the Buddha's first five arhat disciples.
"Arhat", and other Pali or Sanskrit terms, should be italicized.
- Fixed Wikiman5676 (talk) 03:07, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
- Still seeing some un-italicized "arhatships", and other terms, like sotapanna. –♠Vami_IV†♠ 04:46, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
- Fixed Did a much more thorough check this time. Hopefully i got everything. Wikiman5676 (talk) 06:53, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
- Still seeing some un-italicized "arhatships", and other terms, like sotapanna. –♠Vami_IV†♠ 04:46, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
Upatissa
All previous mentions to our protagonist use the Sanskrit spelling of his birth name.
- Fixed Wikiman5676 (talk) 03:07, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
but will teach what he can
Past-tense.
- Fixed Wikiman5676 (talk) 03:07, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
something Maudgalyāyana was able to conclude to.
Remove this last "to".
Several Buddhists text
Misplaced plurality.
- Fixed Wikiman5676 (talk) 03:07, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
the Buddha said that Śāriputra's mind to receive the punishment could not be changed just as he was unwilling to change his mind when he was a snake.
First part of this reads awkwardly. Try "the Buddha said that Śāriputra's decision", and put a comma before the "just".
descended do hell
to hell, and link Naraka.
- Fixed and Done Wikiman5676 (talk) 03:07, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
Various sets of the Sarvastivada
Un-italicize.
developed overtime
Needs a space here.
After he successfully converted his mother
"successfully" here is redundant.
Removed Wikiman5676 (talk) 03:07, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
Śāriputra refused to take myrobalan,
"myrobalan" here links to a Disambiguation.
- Fixed The issue with this is sources don't indicate which myrobalan it was, it just says "a kind of myrobalan". So i have reworded the sentence and removed the wikilink. Wikiman5676 (talk) 06:53, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
In Mahayana sutras
[edit]Section title should be sentence-case per the linked article.
- Fixed
him as great Buddhist disciple
Missing an "a".
- Fixed Wikiman5676 (talk) 18:58, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
Relics
[edit]According to accounts from 7th century Chinese pilgrim Xuanzang,
Needs a "the".
- Fixed
However, as of 1999, no archaeological reports have confirmed
1999 was a long time ago, making present-tense inaccurate. Moreover, did some study or archaeological dig confirm or declare this to be the case?
- Fixed I changed to past-tense
- Comment Not really. In the paper on the discovery of the relics by Jack Daulton, he just points out that these haven't been proven by an archaeological dig, rather than archaeological digs proving there was nothing there. This could mean no digs were done as of then (1999 when Daulton published) or digs haven't found confirmed findings. Or more likely some combination of the two scenarios. Here is what Daulton says:
- "According to early Buddhist texts and Chinese traveller's accounts, relics of Sariputta and Moggallana (i.e., their bones and other cremation remains) were originally enshrined at various sites in northeastern India. Unfortunately, none of those reports has ever been confirmed by an archaeological find."
- Ah, the old "absence of evidence". –♠Vami_IV†♠ 11:39, 6 April 2020 (UTC)
Indian Prime Minister Nehru
Expand this to his full name.
Legacy
[edit]And, finally:
or the disciples Ananda and Mahākāśyapa.
Replace Use the accented Ānanda, for consistency.
- Done Great catch, sometimes I forget Ānanda has an accent. Wikiman5676 (talk) 01:32, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
GA progress
[edit]Good Article review progress box
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The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.