Identifier: waltmasonhisbook00maso (find matches)
Title: Walt Mason : his book
Year: 1916 (1910s)
Authors: Mason, Walt, 1862-1939
Subjects:
Publisher: New York : Barse & Hopkins
Contributing Library: Scott - York University Libraries
Digitizing Sponsor: Ontario Council of University Libraries and Member Libraries

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cks; for Iwould fain be circumspect, and keep mybrain as clean as wax. The playwright didhis best to show that married life is flat andstale; that homely virtues are too slow toprosper in this earthly vale; he put Deceiton dress parade, and put a laurel crown onVice; and Honor saw her trophies fade, andTruth was laid upon the ice. It held themirror up to life, and I, who saw it, home-ward went, and got a club and beat mywife, and robbed an orphan of a cent. If Isaw many plays so rank, so full of dark andevil thought, Id steal a blind mans savingsbank, or swipe a widows house and lot.You may be lustrous as a star, with all thevirtues in you canned, but if you fool aroundwith tar youll blacken up to beat the band.You may be wholesome as the breeze thatchortles through a country lane, but if youeat Limburger cheese, your friends will passyou with disdain. And every time you seea play, or read a book that makes a jest oflove and home you throw away some partof you that was the best. (146)
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Walt Mason NOW MY WIFE is reading papers onthe Fall of Ancient Rome, and I findmyself, her husband, doing all thework at home; I have washed the dinnerdishes, I have swept the kitchen floor, andIve pretty near decided that Ill do it nevermore. For the soap gets in my whiskersand the grease gets on my clothes, and Imalways dropping dishes and big sadirons onmy toes; and I cannot herd the childrenwhile Im scrubbing, very well, two havevanished in the distance, three have fallenin the well; and Im always using coal oilwhere I should use gasoline, so the stove isblown to pieces, and the roof has holes, Iween. And the neighbors come and chaffme, laugh like horses at the door, as I sloparound in sorrow, wiping gravy from thefloor. So methinks Ill ask the missus afterthis to run our home, and Ill do a stunt ofreading papers on the Fall of Rome. Club DayDirge (■47)

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